Page 58 of From the Ashes
The borderline psychopath in me is laughing ‘cause I never thought I’d ever get there one day. Finding folks other than my brothers, not caring about me being…me. We reach my black Land Rover, because the bike wouldn’t do for the kind of night I’ve planned, and I open the passenger door for her.
“Wait,” she says, blushing. “One for the road,” she murmurs, her gaze drifting to my mouth like a magnet. I lean in, kissing her softly, taking it all in. Her honey scent, the fullness of her lips, the air crackling around us with promises I don’t want to let go of. I look away for a moment, staring at the emptiness or probably the lawn. Not sure. This is new. Uncharted territory. Like the first time I rode a bike at eighteen, unsure if I’d end up against a tree, one wrong flick of the wrist turning the ride into a crash. I didn’t know if I was doing it right. But I knew one thing. I needed to do it again. And that’s exactly what it’s like right now.My girl in front of me, asking for a kiss like I’m not already ready to crawl at her feet and worship the goddess that she is.
I sigh and cup her cheek. “You’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met.” She giggles softly, and my heart skips a bit at the sound. Once she’s settled in the car, I check her belt, then climb in and head toward the valley ridge. I glance at her and notice her hands fidgeting on her thighs.Why is she nervous?Still focused on the road, I reach across and lace my fingers through hers. Her whole body softens like a breath let out. I keep my eyes ahead because the most precious thing I’ve ever had is sitting right here beside me, and I intend to keep her safe. But from the corner of my eye, I catch her watching me. That soft crease at the edge of her chocolate eyes. I’m not a hundred percent sure, but in every movie I’ve seen, when a character acts like that, it’s always meant to tell the audience one thing.
Longing.
LANA
Somebody pinch me, please.
What kind of fairytale did I stumble into?
Carter drove us deep into the forest until the view of the city appeared. Little lights glowing in the dark like thousands of colorful fireflies. The cold air wipes my face as I enter the little cabin. I step inside and freeze on sight. I’m like the girl in a rom-com getting the grand gesture with the most romantic date I’ve ever seen. You know the one, when it’s the third act break-up and the guy has to do a big thing to win the girl back? That’s the best way to explain it for the hopelessly romantic in me. Even though Carter and I are in no way near a third-act break-up. What am I saying? Are we even…a couple? I shake my head and keep taking it all in.
Wow.
It’s tiny, a one-room cabin with one other door, that I’m guessing leads to the bathroom. The room is lit by fairy lights strung from the rafters, casting a warm, golden glow that dances on the wooden walls. There’s a sofa on the right under a large window, making us feel as if we were still in nature while the city lights glimmer away. Looking at Carter, who’s practically devouring me with that cobalt gaze, I can’t help but wonder, how did he pull this off?
“How?” I murmur.
“It’s Blank’s hunting cabin; he’s not using it until winter. I thought about taking you to my place, but it’s not ideal if you need to yell,” he says, gesturing around the room. “I wanted it to look…better. So I asked Mia, my boss’s wife, for help. She knew people who could make it happen. She just needed to know what kind of vibe I was going for.”
“And…what did you say?” I ask with wide eyes because whatever he asked was exactly what I’ve pictured in my head as the most perfect date ever.
“I’ve asked that it felt like in the movies.”
Like in the movies.
Am I insane to turn into a puddle because of the way he uses cinema to navigate real life? I guess some people might find it terribly strange. Red flag kind of strange. Yet somehow this is the most adorable thing he has ever said to me.
“Like in the movies?” I repeat.
He clears his throat, looking away. “The romantic ones… You know… I thought you’d like it.”
“I…”
“If you don’t, I can rip it apart, or we can go someplace else.” He runs a hand behind his neck.
“No, no, I… I love it. I can’t believe you did this for…me.” He steps forward, his index pushing a lock of brown hair behind my ear.
“That’s nothing. I’d burn the world to the ground and build it back up just for you, sweetness. Anything you wish, I’ll make it my goal to make it happen,” he delivers blankly, but his voice flinches slightly. A crack. I’m getting there, in the abyss of his soul. And I know that I’m the only one getting here, finding my way between the darkness and the light of him, and I’ll cherish every single achievement like a victory for us.
“Hungry?” he asks, his eyes locked on me, lips parted like a lion eyeing its prey.
“Ravenous,” I breathe, the double meaning crackling in the air between us. He swallows hard, his blue eyes burning into me like bullets.
“There’s food here, sweetness,” he says, showing me the left corner of the room with a table, two chairs, and candles. The beige tablecloth only adds to the coziness of the cabin, with a little bouquet of daisies and hearts made of wood on the table. This Mia is a pro. I’ve never seen such a beautiful yet simple table setting. He settles behind a chair and pulls it for me to sit. I sit as gracefully as I can, and then feel the softness of his lips on my head. The movement is catching me off guard and churns fires in my belly that are impossible to ignore.
Am I still capable of being close to someone without being triggered?
The last time I experienced it was after a violent attack from Ben and…I just laid there, hoping this would make up for my lack of effort for all his hard work. Hoping to help mend the wounds of his ego by making him feel like a real man. Hoping this would make all the violence go away. There wasn't any desire, any want, any love. It was like a duty, like I owed it to him. How would Carter react if I pushed him away in the middleof it? What if my triggers were waiting for me in the depths of intimacy, prepared to mock me for trying to overcome my fears?
“There’s tacos, salad, and some fries. Is that okay?”
“That’s perfect.”
“Blank doesn't have a kitchen up there, but the crew who made this happen gave us a warmer thing.” He opens the lid of a metallic device near the table. He thought about everything. Watching him serve me with such care, trying to make it look as nice as possible with his giant hands, makes me want to curl up in his arms.
