Page 63 of From the Ashes
Always safe.
“Let’s go get dessert,” he tells me, smiling slightly at me. And I nod simply while I’m literally bouncing up and down in my head because if him smiling at me is the new normal, then I’m going to turn into a puddle each time I see him now. I give him my hand, and he helps me get up. Getting back into the cabin, I notice two beautiful chocolate cakes with a scoop of vanilla ice cream on the side. The candle that had melted on the table had been replaced. A new one, burning bright. He must have done that while I was out there. Sitting down, we both eat our desserts and I shut my eyes for a second, enjoying the sweetness of this instant. I may be going through a roller coaster of emotions in this season of life, but I get the feeling that life with Carter won’t be like this.
It’ll be like this chocolate cake.
Sweet, soft, a never-ending craving.
“Hey, what’s on your mind?” he asks as I stare at the city lights.
“Nothing really,” I say softly, “that life is sweet right now.”
“Sweet is good, right?”
“Yes,” I look at him, “sweet is perfect.” After we finish our desserts, he takes my hand and takes me in his arms on the sofa. I could fall asleep there if I didn’t have my little boy waiting for me.
“I’ll get you back, it’s late,” he says, kissing my hair. “Gotta drive you back to Noah.”
“You know, one of the best parts of being a parent is?” I ask him, squeezing his hands that are surrounding me as I’m sitting on his lap, my head in the crook of his neck. “The moment when you go check on them before going to sleep. He’s already asleep, like a little angel, his arms on his side, like nothing could ever break his peace. And it’s so funny because each time I feel like I want to wake him up, but if he moves his little fingers, I freak out that he will wake up and then I won’t be the one sleeping.” I chuckle. “It’s like a constant contradiction. Before having him, I couldn't imagine what my life would be with a child, and now that he’s here, I can’t imagine my life without him.”
“That must be a great feeling,” Carter says, kissing my hair again.
“It is.” I sigh. “Don’t you think you will miss it?” A little pang in my guts reminding me that I don’t want another child and if Carter and I are to go for the long run, then this has to be a definitive choice for the both of us.
“No, it’s better this way,” he clears his throat, “but it doesn’t mean that I don’t like kids, it’s not,” he pauses, “I just want you to know, I… I’ll try my best with Noah, I promise.” I drop a light kiss on his lips, showing him that I know how much he’ll try and that once again, I trust him.
“I can’t wait to introduce you to the club next week. If you still want to, though.” Hesitation coats his tone.
“Of course, even if I have to admit that it’s a bit intimidating.”
“They’re good folks, you’ll see. The wives and girlfriends will love you too, I just know it,” his palm squeezing mine.
“Will there be a lot of people?”
“The main members and their Old Ladies.”
“Old Ladies? What does that mean, um, do people bring their mothers?”
He chuckles. “It means wife. Or a woman you’re not planning on giving up for anything in this world.”
Oh.
“Does that meanI’man Old Lady?” I gasp.
“‘Course you are.” I smile and blush, the title wrapping around my heart like a velvet ribbon.
“I’m gonna drive you back, sweetness. Don’t want you to be tired tomorrow.” And then he does, his black car humming low beneath us, his hand laced with mine and resting on my thigh. Little sparks of fire rise where his fingers touch, igniting places I thought would never burn again. We kiss once more before I slip out and climb the stairs to go back to my little boy. I move quietly into Noah’s room and press a feather-light kiss to his forehead.
We’ll be okay, Noah.
I can feel it.
17
CARTER
“You smiled,”Dr. Parks states, jaw dropped, eyes wide. It’s not even a question, more of a statement.
“Yes,” I deadpan.
