Page 71 of From the Ashes
In fact, I never want to have to do that ever.
I’d like to park my bike in her driveway and go hand in hand in her home, check the locks while she showers, make sure Noah is sleeping safely, and then fall asleep with her in my arms.
“Thank you again for tonight, I really had a great time. You were right, they’re nice people,” she says, putting her helmet on the backseat, the memory of her warm thighs locked behind me sending sparks of fire under my skin. Riding with Lana is like playing with matches and gasoline.
“I’m glad you did, sweetness.” I cup her jaw as I take in her leather jacket that I had made for her, hugging her in all the right places. “I don’t want to let you go,” I admit.
“I don’t want you to go,” she whispers and slightly turns her face so her mouth meets my palms and kisses it. I swallow hard. Now would be a great time to have normal human functions such as reading emotions, subtext, and hints.
“It’s late,” I say with a hoarse voice, my mind going into sacred places we haven’t visited together yet.
“Is it? I haven’t noticed,” she mutters in one breath, the air exhaling out of her ending in my lungs ‘cause that’s how close we are.
“I’m gonna go now, ”I state between gritted teeth at the breathtaking beauty in front of me, begging every cell in me to restrain myself and go home.
“Okay,” she murmurs, pouting. “Don’t you want to…” she clears her throat, shaking her head, “whatever.”
“Hey,” I murmur, resting one hand on her waist and the other stroking her cheek. “I’m only leaving ‘cause I know you’re waking up early tomorrow with Noah.” She told me he was an early riser, and it’s already two a.m. I couldn’t stand myself knowing she’ll be tired tomorrow if I come inside. Looking out for her doesn’t just mean looking out for her safety. It’s also about making sure I'm making her life better, not harder.
“Next time I’m here…” I murmur, the words hanging in the air while our forehead connects. I haven’t finished the sentence because I don’t want to hurry this. I want her to have enough time to decide if she’s ready or not for this step. Rushing her is out of the question. She nods, her chocolate gaze stuck on my lips, and then she leans in and kisses me, devouring my lips like a little lioness. The cold and silent air around us makes it feel like a bubble. It’s so late, I know nobody will see us as I grab her waist and hoist her on the bike, settling myself between her legs. Her hands roam my back and end on the sides of my neck, pulling me closer to her as she drinks from me like a starved woman who hasn't seen water in days. I reciprocate it, careful not to scare her or rush her, and I follow her rhythm, one hand running in her caramel hair and the other grabbing her waist.
The softness of her skin against my rough, calloused palms ignites a spark in me. We keep on going, kissing, eating at each other's lips like it’s our only way of sustenance, our only way to breathe. The world ceases to exist, the two of us tangled onmy bike. I take it all in: her beauty, her eagerness, her fire, her vulnerability. After a few minutes, I back away a bit, staring at her, wondering how the hell I got so lucky to hold this woman in my arms.
“You taste like honey.” I’m out of breath. “My new favorite flavor,” I tell her as I put her down on the ground. “Go inside, sweetness. It’s cold, I don’t want you to get sick.” I drop a few other kisses on her lips, lifting her chin with my fingers.
“Goodnight, Carter,” she whispers, red coloring her cheeks, and then she turns and jogs to her front door, glancing one last time at me with a look I’m becoming familiar with.
One I intend on keeping on her face for the rest of her life.
LANA
I sigh and close my eyes, pulling the covers up to my chin. What a night. Carter’s world is a lot like him: intimidating at first, but not what you expect once you’re in it. I’d built up so many worst-case scenarios in my head, like I was walking into a lion’s den. But aside from his boss, who didn’t even seem to be trying to scare me, everyone was surprisingly welcoming. As if I were already part of their club. Mia made sure I was always included in the conversation, and when I realized all the members had learned a bit of sign language so Rose was never left behind, it hit me, they looked more like a family than a club. I know most people don’t end up there without a heavy past and reasons serious enough to avoid the legal route, but…watching Carter in that world was like seeing a fish in water. He didn’t apologize for his lack of social cues or the fact that he looked like a giant Viking who could crush you in seconds. He seemed comfortable there, and I felt that too. I actually can’t wait to go out with the girls and have fun with them.
The ride home was different. This time, I wanted to hug him tighter. To tell him Isawhim, that Iknewhim now, and that I wasn’t afraid of who he was or the world he came from. That’s why I kissed him like that. Well, that and because I’d spent the night in the same house without being able to properly kiss him. I needed to show him this wasn’t a dealbreaker. That I could handle his world. Like I know now that he can handle mine, and all the baggage I’m still carrying.
Falling deeper into sleep, I clench the covers tighter, mentally preparing for the conversation Ben summoned me for tomorrow morning at Nancy’s. Calling it dread is the understatement of the year, and still, something in me can’t stop thinking this won’t be just another unpleasant discussion between us. Something monumental, bigger than me, is about to happen. I can feel it in my gut. And this time, I won’t shove the feeling away. I inhale deeply, bracing myself for what will most likely feel like hitting a truck at full speed on the highway.
Tomorrow will change everything.
I feel it in my bones.
21
LANA
“Hi, guys,”Nancy greets us at the door, the morning chill sending shivers down my spine. Or perhaps it’s the idea of talking to my ex that’s making my body sweat on purpose.
“Hi, Nance,” I answer, entering her home with Noah.
“Chloe and Ava are in the kitchen. Go ahead, Noah,” she says, patting his little head as I lower myself to grab his coat.
“Is he here?” I whisper. She shakes her head, then looks down at her watch.
“Any minute now.” I take a deep breath. Why am I so stressed about this morning in particular? We’ve done this so many times. I drop Noah off, he picks him up, we don’t have to talk, and then he drives him back a few hours later. That’s what the judge decided. In a case like ours, it’s better to have a neutral ground with a third party present to avoid any friction in front of the child. We both agreed to that. He was too high up in his crystal tower to think it would actually last, thinking I’d come crawling back, begging for a second chance, so he didn’t fight me on it. The roar of his fancy convertible in Nancy’s driveway makes me jump.
“Hey, chill out. I’m here. Alec is in the kitchen with the kids. Nothing can happen. Just breathe. I got you,” she says, putting a hand on my shoulder and squeezing once.
I shake my head. “You’re right. It’s just, he said he wanted to talk.”
