Page 80 of A Heart So Haunted
The conversation started with my interest in history during college, then somehow snowballed into my lack of dating since then.
“I just never felt the need for it,” I told the nightstand. It felt good to get it off my chest.
He chuckled.
“Maybe at first I thought it was me,” I muttered. I ran a finger along the edge of the nightstand. Then the corner of the paper. I turned Hadrian’s picture to me. “Then, as I got older, the idea of dating felt so tiresome. Why put that much effort into something that would only fail?”
“Not all relationships fail.”
“I mean, like—when you’re changing so much as a person. Your twenties are so pivotal.”
I didn’t realize that he’d crawled from under the bed and perched against the dresser, as he’d done before. The TV continued its murmur. Maybe it was the low light, but I could have sworn his skinwasn’t as gray as before. The tips of his ears seemed rounder, shorter, but those eyes—they were still as bright as they’d always been.
Almost as if he were a bit more human tonight.
“.… buy within the next thirty minutes and receive a free …”
For the first time, I reached for the remote and turned the TV off. But he felt too far away.
I slipped from under the sheets, situated my sweatshirt, and took a seat on the floor at the foot of the bed directly across from him.
“There is truth in finding people for a season in life. Sometimes they are building blocks. Others, they’re a foundation for you.”
“You speak like you’ve had that before,” I said, content.
“Not particularly. I have seen it, myself, but never experienced it.”
I tucked my chin into my palm, thoughtful. “What do you mean?”
“I was never in a place to give someone all of myself, Landry. I took. I did a lot of—taking, before.”
The air grew charged then. Unsaid questions formed on my tongue, but the churning of his eyes made me think twice.Takingcould mean a number of things. My brow furrowed.
I said, “I wish I’d done that. Taken instead of given so much.”
“No, you don’t. Not truly.”
I ran my hands over my knees, down my shins, and onto the rug. I shrugged.
“I don’t know. You ever just—want to start over? Go to a new place, become a completely different person? Date a ton of people, go out of your element, push yourself a bit?” I asked. My eyes shuttered. Little by little, my brain quieted. I could almost see it. A new town, states away. Doing exactly as he’d said not to do.
“I did. For a while. Leave, I mean.”
My eyebrows rose.
“Sometimes dreams are better as dreams. Because once you have them, you realize you were running from something. Not chasing the dream itself.”
My eyes met his. Measured the inhales and exhales when I felt it again: that flutter in the recesses of my chest cavity, like an awakening.
Sometimes dreams are better as dreams.
Which was a shame. Because sometimes, when I went to sleep at night, I’d hoped that I’d dream of him.
One morning, the universe decided to break up my monotony, if only for a little while. I’d hoped for an email from Irene.
I was sorely disappointed. I received a text from someone else instead.
IVAN:I understand picking someone to represent you as a seller is important. Remember that I can always give you the contractual agreement to look at without actually signing.
