Page 19 of Behind the Painting
‘You’ve really grown up, now, Nopporn. Do you realize, there’s scarcely the trace of a young man left in you?’
‘I suppose I must’ve changed. But it’s not something I’m really aware of myself.’
‘You’ve become a fine man. You seem more serious than before.’
‘I hadn’t realized that. But as far as you’re concerned, I see only a slight change.’
‘I’ve aged a lot.’
‘Well, I don’t think so. Forgive me, but how old are you?’
‘Over forty.’
‘Well, forgive me, but you do still look very young …’
‘What is all this, Nopporn? Aren’t you going to stop saying “forgive me”?’ There was irritation in her voice. ‘You sound as if I were always blaming you for everything. You really do seem to have changed a lot.’
‘I was afraid I might be saying something inappropriate.’
‘Even so, there’s no need to excuse yourself when you’ve already said it. I’m not the woman you met in Tokyo. Nearly six years have passed since then. Unless you intend to flatter me too much, you can’t say I still look young.’
‘But that’s my honest opinion.’
‘You’re too biased, believe me, Nopporn. I’m over forty, now. I’m well aware that I’ve aged a lot.’
‘It may be that you’re more biased than me,’ I remarked, and then changed the subject. ‘You must be happy here, in this house. It’s beautiful, and just right for you. Please tell me how you’ve been?’
She looked at me uncertainly. ‘Do you think you’re really still interested in what’s been happening to me?’
‘I’ve always been interested.’
‘Now that you’ve returned to Bangkok and there’s work and lots of friends you have to give your time to, I fear you may have very little time to be interested in what’s been happening to me. Things are very different from when we met in Tokyo, aren’t they, Nopporn?’
I was inclined to agree. I had neither the time, nor the extravagant feelings, to think of her in the same way as before. Events from the past had faded from my memory. Even the episode on Mount Mitake, which I had once thought such a momentous event in my life, I now scarcely ever thought about. It all seemed to belong to the past, as if it had come from a time of its own. The new phase my life had entered revolved around work and my immediate livelihood. The truth was, my life was devoid of deep or powerful feelings, like those that had been awakened six years ago. As for Mom Ratchawong Kirati, I could not work out whether she had said this purely out of a desire to express her true feelings or for some other reason. I did not know whether she, too, had entered a new phase of life or not.
‘I think I’m sufficiently interested in you to listen to what’s been happening to you,’ I said, thinking this an appropriate response.
‘All right, I’ll tell you, as an old friend, without thinking about what you might be now,’ Mom Ratchawong Kirati said seriously. She paused for a moment to gather her thoughts. ‘I should begin after the death of Chao Khun. Just talking about his illness is so upsetting, and I believe I wrote to you about it already,’ she said slowly and pensively. ‘I don’t want to talk about how sad I felt after his death. I’ll tell you about the main things that have happened to me. In the first place, he made me wealthier, by passing about a third of his fortune on to me in his will. The other two thirds went to his two children. In fact, I didn’t expect to get a share, because I’d only lived with him for two or three years, and we had no children. Such kindness towards me left me wondering whether I was really worthy of it. Nopporn, do you think I’m lucky or unlucky?’
‘That’s a difficult question to answer,’ I replied cautiously.
‘Exactly. I think it’s a difficult question to answer, too.’ As she spoke her eyes drifted into a reverie. ‘I had less than three years of married life before my husband died. Then I became wealthy, but at the same time, I have to live alone. Life’s strange, isn’t it, Nopporn?’
‘Why didn’t you go back and live with your father?’
‘I’d lived with him for thirty-five years already. I love him dearly and I go to visit him and stay with him frequently. But I wouldn’t go back to that kind of life. It was the life that condemned me to misfortune, emptiness and bitterness, such as I’ll never forget for the rest of my life.’
‘In that case, you should opt for getting out and about and meeting people.’
‘Indeed, I should. But I’ve chosen not to.’ She spoke as if she had some doubts about her decision. ‘I’ll tell you my storybriefly. After Chao Khun died, I came to live here. Our old house passed on to his eldest son. I had no wish to continue living there. For one thing, it was too big, and for another, it would’ve been a constant reminder that Chao Khun had gone for ever. Chao Khun bought this plot of land several years before his death, and we used to say we’d build a little holiday home here. After he died, I set about having it done, as we’d planned. The only difference is, instead of being a place to stay now and then, it’s my permanent home.’
‘And it ought to be a house that brings great pleasure to its owner,’ I added, when she paused for a moment.
‘It ought to,’ she said, looking round the grounds with satisfaction. ‘Everyone who comes here says how nice my home is and expresses envy at the peace and quiet I have. But I’m not sure whether they’re right or not.’
‘Apart from this lovely house, what else do you have to make you happy?’
‘You still can’t stop asking questions,’ Mom Ratchawong Kirati said with an indulgent smile. ‘That may be all that’s left of the Nopporn I knew in Tokyo.’
