Page 28 of The Perfect Son
Jamie and I shake our heads.
“I’m going to swim all the way from Shakespeare Cliff near Dover to Cap Gris-Nez in France. It’s a crazy idea, especially as I was never much of a swimmer until a few years ago. But Dylan loved the water. He was a water birth baby, so he started his life swimming.”
Shelley pauses for a moment and touches a hand to the locket around her neck. “After he died I found myself going to the local pool and just sitting on the benches in the humid heat and listening to the sounds of the swimmers and the children playing. Until one day I decided to actually swim, and now I swim almost every day. It’s the one place I feel most connected to Dylan.”
Something changes in Shelley’s face, her whole body in fact, as if a light is being dimmed inside her. I can’t begin to understand the energy and joy Shelley exudes from her every move, but I do understand the pain cutting through her body at the mention of Dylan.
“How far is the channel swim?” I ask.
“Twenty-one miles.”
“Wow,” Jamie says between mouthfuls.
“It works out as over a thousand lengths in a normal-sized pool. I’m building up slowly though so I don’t get injured. I’ve got until August, so I’m not panicking yet, but I might feel differently when I start practicing in the sea in a few months.”
“That’s so amazing.”
“Thanks.” Shelley nods. “It’s good to have something positive to focus my energy on. I’m raising money for a leukemia research charity and Grief UK. There’s the Big Bash BBQ happening in the summer to raise money too. There’ll be live music and a great raffle. You should come.”
Jamie’s head bobs up and down and he grins, staring at Shelley with wide-eyed awe.
“Maybe.” I take another mouthful of food, but it’s lost its flavor and tastes bitter in my mouth. My stomach hardens and I fight an urge to spit it back out. My eyes are flicking between Jamie and Shelley. Jamie has been so quiet recently, so withdrawn, but with Shelley he seems so much like his old self.
I should be relieved, happy even, that Jamie has found a friend in Shelley, just like I have. And I am, but I can’t help wish Jamie would look at me with the same shining eyes and think I am amazing. The problem is that I’m not amazing, am I? I’m broken. You’ve broken me, Mark.
The tiredness hits like a punch and suddenly it’s all I can do to stay awake. The gray fog is slinking over my thoughts.
CHAPTER 15
Transcript BETWEEN ELLIOT SADLER (ES) AND TERESA CLARKE (TC) (INPATIENT AT OAKLANDS HOSPITAL, HARTFIELD WARD), TUESDAY, APRIL 10. SESSION 1 (Cont.)
ES: Did Shelley and Ian know each other before they met through you?
TC:(Shakes head) Maybe. It’s so hard to think straight with this pain medication. What are you doing to look for Jamie? You keep saying that you’re doing everything you can, but what exactly are you doing? He’s really shy. The officers looking for him need to know that. He could be hiding somewhere. Has anyone checked the tree house in the wood in our garden? It’s not really a wood, more like a dozen oak trees and a few pine trees, but Mark built a tree house for Jamie really high up. The only way to see if someone is up there is to climb up or look out the window of the study. Jamie spends a lot of time there.
ES: How was your relationship with Jamie after Mark’s death?
TC:(Pause). It was (pause) it was hard for both of us. Jamie was very quiet most of the time.
ES: When was the last time you saw Jamie?
TC: On his birthday.
ES: What happened?
TC: I think Ian was working with Shelley. I think that’s where you need to focus.
ES: I understand, but first I want to focus on the events of two nights ago. Can you tell me what you remember?
TC:(Silence)
ES: Let’s stop here for today. You should rest. We will talk again tomorrow morning.
TC:(Cries). Please find Jamie.
SESSION END.
CHAPTER 16
