Page 31 of The Perfect Son
Shelley slides two mugs onto the table and we sit down across from each other just like on her first visit to the house. So much has changed between us since then.
I don’t know what I’d have done this weekend without Shelley.
“So how was the pool?” I ask. “Did you have fun?”
“Yes.” Shelley smiles. “I don’t normally swim in the afternoons on a weekend. There were so many kids there, splashing each other when they jumped in. It made me think of Dylan. He would’ve loved it. I miss him so much.” She sighs, touching her locket. “Kids have so much energy, don’t they? Dylan gave Tim and me so much love, but he also gave me a purpose. I loved being a mum. Sometimes I miss that as much as I miss Dylan.”
I try to picture Dylan in my mind. I bet Shelley was an amazing mum. Full of fun and mischief. The kind of mum I used to be. I hope having Jamie in the pool with her wasn’t too painful. Before I can ask, Shelley is out of her seat and washing up her mug. “I’d better head off before Tim sends out a search party for me,” she says.
“Oh... OK.” I don’t want her to go. I don’t want to feel alone, just me and Jamie in this big old house. “Sorry again for snapping at you... I—”
She waves her hands at me. “Don’t even think about it. I’m glad to see you looking better. Text me later?”
“I will.”
“I’ll just grab my scarf,” she says. “I think I left it in the living room.”
Jamie’s laughter bounces through the open door and he shouts a “Bye.”
“Take care of yourself,” Shelley says a few moments later. She leans over and gives me a tight hug and I feel her warmth against my body. “Small steps. Do one thing each day. OK?”
“OK.”
“Promise?”
I smile. “Yes.”
“And take your antidepressants. They’ll help.”
And with that Shelley is gone.
I wander through to the living room and curl up on the sofa, watching Jamie play his game. I catch the scent of Shelley’s perfume lingering on the cushions. The house feels so much emptier now. Empty and cold, like me.
CHAPTER 17
IAN
It’s not like I went round there all the time. I popped in about a month after the crash to see if Tess needed anything. She wasn’t returning my calls and I was worried. After that, the next time I spoke to Tess was when she called me in a right state about thinking she’d seen Mark in the supermarket. In fact she didn’t call me, that’s right, she called Mark’s mobile. She gave me some line about wanting to hear his voicemail message but I didn’t believe her. She acted like she forgot that we agreed I’d redirect his calls to me. We spoke about it during the funeral arrangements and Tess thought it was a good idea.
SHELLEY
We grew close quickly. The second time I saw Tess was on a Saturday. I called her to check in. She’d had a toughweek. The minute I heard her voice I knew straightaway she was in a bad way so I went to help her.
I probably crossed a line that weekend, but I understood Tess’s grief and she needed someone there desperately. Tess was in a dark place at that point. She was zoning out a lot and had this faraway look in her eye. She didn’t want to talk to her family so I offered to do it. It helped Tess a lot.
CHAPTER 18
Wednesday, February 28
39 DAYS TO JAMIE’S BIRTHDAY
I’ve picked myself up, Mark. “Propped myself up” might be closer to the truth. It feels like I’m teetering on the edge of a cliff in that middle place where my balance has gone but I’m not actually falling yet. Any minute I’ll fall, I’m sure of it, and I’ll be right back in the darkest hole, cold to my core and hurting too much to care, but for now I’m still on top of the ledge, and that’s as OK as it’s going to get.
I’m not sure how I crawled out of the hole, to be honest. Shelley helped of course. And Sunday became Monday and Jamie went back to school and I focused on taking my tablets and my one thing each day just like Shelley told me to.
On Monday I used the eggs Shelley bought and made pancakes. I poured the gloopy yellow liquid into the frying pan when I heard Jamie’s footsteps on the stairs, ready to do the first flip when he appeared in the doorway. I was a bit out of practice and gave the saucepan too much force, sending the pancake across the room and landing onthe back of a chair, drooping for a moment before slipping to the floor. Still, I made Jamie laugh, so it was worth it.
On Tuesday I cleaned the bathroom and ordered the Lego Star WarsMillennium FalconJamie wants for his birthday. I know he won’t be eight for a while yet but I worried it would be out of stock or get lost during delivery.
