Page 60 of The Perfect Son
Sam holds up his empty hands in a theatrical shrug. “If Mohammed won’t come to the mountain, then the mountain will go to Mohammed.”
I smile and shake my head. “I think it’s the other way round.”
“Anyway,” Sam says, dragging out the word, “you weren’t answering your phone, so I thought I’d take you out for lunch.”
“So you just drove four hours for a sandwich?”
“Pretty much. It was that or have Mum keep phoning the hospital every day telling me how worried she is about you.”
“She’s not?” I pull a face. A needle of guilt pricks my stomach. “I’m sorry. She’s been phoning my friend Shelley too.”
“I know.” He raises his eyebrows, mirroring my expression. “Grab your shoes, we’re going out for lunch.”
“I’ve got stuff here we can eat.”
“I didn’t really drive four hours for a ham and pickle sandwich, Tess. I fancy a burger. There’s a restaurant in the village, isn’t there?”
“Yes. It’s at the top of the hill, bordering the next village. We’ll have to drive.”
“OK then, let’s go.”
“Give me a few minutes,” I say, racing up the stairs to change out of the leggings I’ve been wearing all week.
“Don’t take too long. I have to be back on the road by two,” Sam calls up the stairs.
“Oh.” Jamie will be disappointed. He barely sees Sam as it is.
“How’s Finn?” I shout down, raking a brush through my hair.
“I’ll let you know when I next see him properly. We’re on differentshift patterns at the moment. We pass on the doorstep for about five minutes every day, one of us on the way to work, the other to bed.”
“I’m ready,” I pant, running down the stairs a few minutes later and finding Sam sitting on the bottom step.
“Passable.” He smiles. “It’s good to see you.”
Tears build in my eyes again and I nod. “You too.” All of a sudden I’m glad Jamie is at school and it’s just me and Sam. I don’t have to carry the conversation along and pretend to be coping better than I am. I don’t have to be a mum. I can just be me, whoever that is.
—
The restaurant is quiet and we choose a table in the corner by a long glass window that looks out to the gardens. Huge cowhides hang on the walls beside metal sculptures of birds and other creatures.
Sam orders the burger—a towerlike mountain of bread and meat with French fries in a silver pot on the side. I have fish and chips. The portion is huge but I eat until my stomach hurts. In between mouthfuls we bend our heads over the Sunday cryptic crossword that Sam produces from his pocket like a child with a stash of secret sweets to share.
I try my best to work through the clues. But my thoughts are clogged—a blocked sink—and the answers trickle out in between conversations about Mum, and about Finn and Sam and their life in Sheffield. We stay on safe ground in the restaurant. Neither of us mentions you, or how Jamie and I are coping, and I’m grateful for that.
“It’s been so good to see you,” I say as we step out into the cold afternoon light, my stomach aching with the addition of so much food. “You didn’t need to come all this way.”
“Yes, I did.” Sam drops his arm around my shoulders and steers meto his car. It’s an old Volvo, racing green with rusted dents. “You’re an amazing woman, Tess. After what you’ve been through....”
I nod but say nothing. My throat is aching and I feel the tears threatening. We’ve had such a nice lunch, I don’t want to cry now. I clench my teeth together until the feeling passes.
“Will you come and see us soon?” Sam asks. “Might do you good to get out of the village for a week.”
“Did Mum put you up to saying that?” I narrow my eyes but smile too. “She said the same thing.”
“No, but I can see why she would. Rattling around in that old house all the time, it can’t make things any easier.”
“I... It’s hard going out alone right now. The other week I had a sort of panic attack in a shop. If Shelley hadn’t been there I don’t know what I’d have done.”
