Page 89 of One Step Behind
His words sound corny and I let them hang in the silence as I stand up and walk out of the room.
‘What are you going to do?’ Stuart calls after me. ‘About us?’
‘I don’t know.’ It’s the truth. ‘Can you call DS Churchand tell her about this mess on the porch? Someone is helping him.’ I grab my bag and leave without waiting for an answer.
My mind is churning over everything I know and everything I don’t. I can’t think about Stuart any more. The flowers and the dolls, they’re a message. I don’t know what it means, but I have to find out before anything can happen to Beth and Archie. And if Rachel won’t talk to me then maybe you will.
Chapter 53
Jenna
Traffic is heavy and it takes me nearly an hour to crawl across town. By the time I reach the hospital the sky above me is no longer grey but inky blue and a distant rumble of thunder growls from somewhere far away. I park up and check my phone.
There’s a missed call from DS Church. She’s left a voicemail asking me to call her. ‘We’ve had a development.’
I swallow hard. At last. My hands shake as I return her call, but instead of ringing, it disconnects. User Busy, my display tells me. I’ll have to try again later.
I walk quickly to the Brain Injury Unit on the ground floor and press the intercom as thoughts of seeing you again consume every inch of my mind.
A long thirty seconds later a voice squawks from the speaker. ‘Can I help you?’
I stutter for a moment and the words come out in a jumble of who I am and who I want to see. It occurs to me as the door unlocks that they might not let me see you, but I have to try.
‘Good morning,’ a nurse greets me from behind a desk. ‘It’s room four,’ he tells me. ‘Mr Dover is happy to see you, but we are limiting visits to ten minutes.’
I swallow hard and force my feet to move.
The door to room four is open. It’s a simply furnished room with a hospital bed and two armchairs facing each other. Your neighbour, Bernie, is sitting in one chair and you are in the other.
Bernie stands when he sees me, his face lighting into a smile. He’s wearing a hospital gown and looks a lot better than the last time I saw him.
‘Here she is. My hero. Didn’t even know I was having a heart attack until this lady showed up. Thank you very much.’ He takes my hand in his and shakes it gently and I wonder if he notices the tremor.
‘My pleasure,’ I smile, despite the tightness in my chest. The desire to run returns. That fight-or-flight burst of adrenaline. Except now I’m choosing fight. I have to for Beth and Archie. The dolls from this morning flash in my thoughts.
‘Well, I need to get back to the ward,’ Bernie says. ‘I promised I wouldn’t go far. Got my angio-whatnot tomorrow.’
Bernie squeezes my hand and says another thank you before walking slowly away.
A silence falls. All the questions I want to ask you bubble up inside me, but now that I’m standing before you, I don’t know if I can.
‘Do you want to sit down?’ you ask, waving your cast-covered arm at the chair.
I inch into the room, fighting the images of your hand grabbing at me. You look different from the last time I saw you. You’ve shaved and your hair is pushed away from your forehead.
‘The nurse told me that you’re the doctor who saved my life. Thank you. But I’ve forgotten what name they gave me?’
‘I’m Jenna Lawson. And I’m not just the doctor who saved your life, am I?’
You frown, tilting your head to the side. ‘What do you mean?’
‘You’ve spent the last eleven months stalking me.’ There. I lay it out, exposing the truth like ripping off one of Archie’s plasters, quickly and steadily, revealing the wound underneath.
You close your eyes in a child-like expression, as though you can block out my voice, but you can’t and I carry on.
I’m aware of the heavy sound of my breathing and the tears dripping down my face. ‘You stand behind trees or in shop doorways, or outside my house, my home. You send me emails. You say horrible things about my children. You leave sick things on my doorstep. You take photos of me on your phone.’
There’s more I want to say. The words are not enough to convey the destruction you’ve caused – a wrecking ball to my life – but your eyes open again and you stare at me with an intensity that steals my voice.
