Page 44 of The Shape of Your Heart
‘Maybe it’s too soon.’ Sasha looks sympathetic. ‘What does your gut tell you?’
‘That’s a very good question. It keeps changing.’
‘It will come to you, Cal. Sometimes it takes a little time.’ Sasha’s eyes wander towards the empty flower bed. ‘Do you think maybe it’s time you planted Santiago de Compostela?’
‘I’ve been thinking a lot about that.’ I tell her about my plan. ‘I’ve decided I’m doing the walk – on my own.’
Sasha’s eyes widen. ‘The whole north coast? That’s frigging awesome, Cal!’
Now that I’ve decided, I know it’s the right thing. ‘I think I have to. I need to prove something to myself – and it’s like there’s this unfinished chapter in my and Liam’s lives that I need to complete before I can properly move on. I know it probably sounds bonkers, but it makes sense to me.’
‘Not as bonkers as the Graveyard Groupies.’ Sasha giggles.
Remembering last night, I shake my head. ‘Actually, it wasn’t. You know, it made me realise other people go through just as much – if not worse.’ I tell her about Joey. ‘I actually came away from there feeling relatively normal.’
‘Well hooray for that.’ Sasha’s silent for a moment. ‘You know, this walk… depending on when you’re planning to go, I could come with you.’
‘You?’ I look at her in surprise. ‘It’s miles, Sash. You don’t walk.’
‘That’s why I should do it. Let’s face it, I could do with a change of scene.’ A shadow crosses her face.
I remember how preoccupied she looked when she arrived at the hospital. ‘Is everything OK?’
She sighs. ‘Not really.’
So I was right, there is something. I wouldn’t mind betting I know what it is. I shake my head slowly. ‘Not that man again.’
A shadow crosses her face. ‘I’ve told him it’s over – but he refuses to stay out of my life. He hangs around waiting for me to finish work, sends me all these texts…’ She sounds wretched.
‘Sash, that’s stalking.’ I’m outraged. ‘You have to tell the police – or his wife. Or even better, both.’
‘I know,’ she says miserably. ‘I suppose, under it all, I did love him.’
‘Listen to yourself,’ I tell her firmly. ‘You might be a flipping brilliant therapist, but you’re missing what’s under your nose. He’s a rat – and you don’t need him. As long as he hangs around, there isn’t space in your life for anything better. Tell him to fuck off and if he doesn’t, call the police.’
Sasha blinks at me. ‘You’re so right. I’m pathetic, aren’t I?’ Right on cue, her phone vibrates. After clicking on the message, she looks at me. ‘It’s him again – this is what he does. All the time.’
‘Well, not any more. Tell him. Now.’
After typing a response, Sasha shows it to me.
This is over. If you get in touch or try to see me again, I’ll call the police. And your wife.
‘Good.’ I watch her send it. ‘Now block him.’
She looks startled. ‘Why didn’t I think of that?’ Sending it and blocking his number, she puts her phone down. ‘I feel better already. Now about this walk… If I start training, what do you think about me joining you?’
‘I haven’t imagined anything other than doing it alone. But you need it, just as much as I do. I’d love you to come with me!’ As I look at my sister, I feel a jolt of something akin to excitement. ‘I’ve got it all planned. We can get the ferry to northern Spain, then a train to where we start from.’
She looks uncertain. ‘A ferry? Do you have any idea what the Bay of Biscay can be like?’
‘It has to be better than flying,’ I say firmly.
Sasha doesn’t look convinced. ‘I doubt that very much.’
‘Please don’t even think of changing my mind. You know flying absolutely terrifies me.’ I change the subject. ‘Are you going to the hospital later?’
‘This afternoon.’ Sasha rolls her eyes. ‘I need to go to the shops first. Mum wants me to pick up more wool. She’s utterly obsessed.’
