Page 18 of The Shape of Your Heart
‘This terrace… the garden…’ She stands there for a moment, before turning to me. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just so like the house that we were going to buy. It’s a shock, that’s all.’ She seems to rally herself. ‘I can see what you mean about the garden, though. It’s huge. Shall we walk through it and I’ll try to tell you what everything is?’
‘That would be really helpful.’
Going down the steps on to what would hopefully, one day, become a lawn, she touches the tree. ‘This is a magnolia. They’re glorious – wait till next spring. This one…’ Her fingers brush through the leaves of a shrub with oval leaves and tiny red berries. ‘This is an amelanchier. They’re really subtle – and different every month of the year.’ She surveys the tangle of plants around her. ‘I see what you mean about the weeds. You probably need to try to dig up the buttercups and nettles…’ She points at what looks like a veritable ocean of them. ‘It’s easier after it’s rained – the soil is softer. Here…’ As we reach another section of the garden, she sounds excited. ‘This is a proper herb garden – there are tons of things.’ She starts pulling out some tiny strands that cover the soil. ‘These are all weeds, but you have sage, rosemary, thyme, mint, chives…’ I take in the names as she indicates each of them. ‘You can’t concrete over this. It’s a beautiful garden. All it needs is a bit of love.’
I’m not sure what to say. ‘I’m afraid I’m not the person to give it to it. I know nothing about plants.’
She’s still looking around. ‘You could always learn.’
We carry on walking, reaching the patch that I’ve started clearing of brambles. ‘I’m thinking of growing veg – easy ones, if such things exist.’ Despite the cavernous gap in my knowledge, I’ve decided it can’t be too hard to grow potatoes and tomatoes, maybe runner beans. ‘This is an awful lot to ask, especially considering you barely know me, but I don’t suppose there’s any chance you could help? I’ll happily pay you.’ But even as I speak I realise it’s probably too big an ask.
She’s silent for a moment. ‘If I did, there would be a condition.’
My heart lifts. At least she hasn’t dismissed it out of hand. ‘What’s that?’
Her clear eyes fix on mine. ‘No concrete,’ she says simply. ‘I couldn’t be a part of destroying this place.’
I think for a moment. ‘And if I agree?’
‘I don’t want you to pay me,’ she says quietly. ‘Can I think about it? It might be a good thing – for me, as well as your garden… but I don’t want to make any hasty decisions. Is that OK?’
‘Sure.’ After what she’s been through, I can understand why. ‘But if you do decide to help me, I must at least pay your expenses. In the meantime, how about that cup of tea?’ I half expect her to say she has to be somewhere else. But to my surprise, she smiles.
‘OK.’
As we walk back to the house, I try to remember the last time I felt so at home with someone. I barely know her; it doesn’t make sense. Whether we’ll become friends in the future, or more than that, is neither here nor there. But the timing seems right. There’s no question I need her help, and she, meanwhile, is finding her way forward. In a sense, both of us in some way have needed to find each other.
9
CALLIE
When Nathan asks me to help him in his garden, my gut feeling is to say yes. But grief does odd things to gut feelings; as does guilt. When my emotions can swing all over the place, I’m no longer sure whether to trust myself – on top of which after a year of living in isolation, this feels huge.
Worried it’s the roadblock again, in the end, I call Sasha.
‘Weird things are happening,’ I tell her. ‘I keep running into this guy. He’s really nice – and there’s nothing going on – but he’s just bought this house and he wants some help with the garden.’
‘Yeah, right,’ she says uncertainly.
I frown. It’s unlike Sasha to be cynical. ‘He’s not like that. He genuinely doesn’t know the first thing about plants. He was going to concrete over the whole lot. But I told him what a bad idea that was, and now he says he wants to learn – and he wants to pay me.’
‘It sounds like your kind of thing, doesn’t it?’ she says more gently. ‘So what’s the problem?’
‘I’m not sure,’ I say carefully. ‘It’s like I can’t decide whether to do it or not.’
‘Well, what are the pluses?’ Sasha says practically. ‘There’s the money, for one thing.’
‘I don’t want to be paid.’ If I do it for free, it will feel more on my terms, while money would mean I’d feel obligated.
‘Sounds bonkers to me – but at least it’s a decision. You’d enjoy it, though, wouldn’t you?’
‘I think so.’ I wait for her to say that it would get me out of the house, but she doesn’t.
‘So what’s the problem?’ She sounds slightly exasperated.
‘I don’t know.’ I’m quiet for a moment. ‘Thanks, Sash.’
‘Is that it?’ Sasha says.
