Page 37 of The Shape of Your Heart
While we’re sitting there one afternoon, my phone pings with a message from Nathan.
Hey, haven’t seen you for a while. Hope you’re OK? x
‘Who’s that?’ My mother’s eagle eyes never miss anything.
‘A friend,’ I reply nonchalantly as I text him back.
Sorry, I’ve been meaning to get in touch. My father had a heart attack. He’s OK, I’m with my parents in the hospital.
Pressing send, I add a line.
How is your garden?
As I type, my phone pings with another message.
Graveyard Groupies meet up at Charlie’s Fish Shack 8 p.m. Friday.
Smiling, I reply,yes, just as Nathan gets back to me.
I’m sorry Callie. I hope you’re OK. My garden misses you. I do, too.
Reading it, I get a warm feeling because I miss him, too – and his garden. When I look up, both my parents are watching me. ‘I’m just texting – I met this woman when I went to Liam’s grave. She lost her husband – so we’re going to meet up on Friday.’
‘That’s good, dear.’ My mother turns back to my father. ‘Has anyone said when they’re letting you out of here?’
‘Early next week.’ My father raises his eyebrows. ‘Bit of a bloody long time away, isn’t it?’
‘You won’t believe what Alice has sent me.’ My mother shakes her head. ‘Pages about diet and gentle exercise…’
‘She’s told me.’ He looks glum. ‘But I suppose it’s a small price to pay for a few more years.’
* * *
The following morning, knowing my father is on the up, I drive to Nathan’s, savouring the prospect of some solitary hours in his garden, though there’s a part of me that’s looking forward to seeing him again.
When I turn into his drive, there’s a small red car parked outside his house. Getting out, I hesitate, not sure I’m up to meeting someone else. Glancing towards the house, through the window I catch sight of a girl – or more the side view of her. She has shoulder-length dark hair and is talking animatedly. Then as Nathan comes into sight, going over to her, he hugs her.
It’s as though I’ve been electric-shocked. Getting in my car, I reverse out of the drive, before turning around and driving away. If Nathan has a girlfriend, why did he kiss me? Logic kicks in. It’s possible, of course, that she isn’t his girlfriend – she’s just a friend, I tell myself. But that isn’t the point. What bothers me most is that I care – too much.
When I get home, I’m restless, as for the first time ever, the walls of my home feel claustrophobic. Picking up one of my favourite books, I take it outside. It’s a book I’ve read dozens of times over the last year and sitting on the grass, I start leafing through it.
The world is full of small things. Tiny ants; the individual petals on a flower; blades of grass that are a million shades of green; the molecules of air and water that together make up the oceans and the sky; the ether in between…
I love that it reminds me about what makes up this world; how small we are, our lives no more than a bubble around us. It was why I was so determined to walk the coast of northern Spain. I wanted to break away from everything I knew; to push myself out of my comfort zone.
The idea of doing it with Liam was less daunting than doing it alone. But as I sit here, I realise I still want to do this. Moreover, it feels like something I need to do. Getting up, I go inside again and search for the reference book I bought when Liam and I were planning to go. Sitting on the grass again, I find the route we planned to take, the Camino del Norte, reading the familiar names of the places we researched.
My eyes turn to the space in the flower bed that was destined to hold memories of our walk there. But as I gaze at it, I know what it’s become. It’s empty; symbolic of everything I’ve lost, as suddenly I realise, that empty patch of soil is my roadblock.
16
NATHAN
Watching Callie’s car reverse down the drive, I can only guess it’s because she’s seen another car here and is still wary of meeting strangers.
‘Who’s that?’ Robin gazes out of the window.
‘The girl who’s helping me with the garden. She’s probably forgotten something.’ I don’t allude to Callie’s history.
