Page 39 of The Shape of Your Heart
‘That was my initial plan.’ I pause. ‘It was what you said, about locals being priced out of the property market. Camping wouldn’t exactly be helping with that, but .’
She looks slightly less wary. ‘But you’d be creating jobs, at least.’
‘That’s true. I suppose I was wondering if you’d had any more ideas.’ I’m distracted as I glance at the table on which she’s spread out a map. ‘Going somewhere?’
‘At some point.’ She tells me about the trip she’d planned with her fiancé. ‘I’m thinking it’s something I need to do,’ she says quietly.
‘It would be some adventure.’ I’m impressed.
‘I need to prove to myself that I can do it.’ There’s determination in her voice. ‘But also, I have this feeling it will be good for me.’
‘That’s great, then.’ I pause, not sure whether to ask her why. ‘Where will you start from?’
‘I’ll show you if you like.’ Going over to the table, she points to the eastern end of the northern Spanish coast.
It isn’t a part of Spain I’ve ever been to before. ‘So where will you fly to?’
She shakes her head. ‘I won’t be flying. I’ll get the ferry to Spain.’
In my book, that takes courage. ‘You’re brave. The Bay of Biscay can get pretty rough,’ I tell her. ‘I did that crossing – only once. I swore I’d never do it again.’
‘I’m not at all brave. I’m terrified of flying.’
‘Oh.’ I’m not sure what to say. ‘As in you won’t even consider it?’
She shakes her head again. ‘Not ever. It’s the fact that if something goes wrong, you’re thousands of feet in the air.’
‘It’s pretty safe.’ I look at her. ‘And you are brave, you know. Planning this walk on your own.’
She’s quiet for a moment. ‘It doesn’t feel like that. It feels more like something I’ll always regret if I don’t do it. And, I don’t know… maybe it’s an adventure?’ She went on quickly. ‘I’m not really an adventurous person. And I’ve never done anything like this before. Maybe that’s why it’s become so important to me.’
‘It sounds like an amazing trip.’ Part of me is envious of her.
‘I think so. But also…’ She hesitates. ‘I’m hoping it’s going to help me move on.’
In my eyes, that makes her even braver. ‘Are you busy this evening or can I persuade you to come out for a drink?’
She hesitates. ‘It’s been a funny few days,’ she says softly, meeting my eyes. ‘I think I need a little time alone.’
I’m taken aback. ‘Of course. No problem. I understand.’
‘Do you?’ She sounds sad. ‘I like you, Nathan. I thought you liked me, too.’
When she uses the past tense, I wonder what’s changed. ‘I do.’ Stepping closer, I reach out and stroke a strand of hair off her face. ‘I like you a lot,’ I say quietly.
There’s angst in her eyes as she looks at me. ‘It should be simple, shouldn’t it? But I think I’ve realised that losing someone hurts so much, I can’t risk it happening again.’
Standing there, I try to work out whether she’s saying no to tonight, or no for ever. ‘I know you’ve been through the worst kind of heartbreak,’ I say to her gently. ‘But it doesn’t mean it would happen again.’
For a moment she doesn’t speak. ‘I think it’s easier right now if I’m alone.’
There’s more I want to say to her, but for whatever reason, it isn’t the time. ‘Maybe I’d better go.’ I linger, wanting her to change her mind, but she clearly isn’t going to. ‘I’ll see you.’
As she nods slowly, there’s a sadness in her eyes I don’t understand.
As I drive away, I’m confused. It’s the turnaround in her; her use of the past tense.I thought you liked me, too.I don’t understand what’s changed – unless maybe her dad being ill has shaken her up.
I think back to what she said.I like you, Nathan.When she clearly feels something for me, it doesn’t make sense. In the end, I come to the conclusion that it’s simply too soon; that when you lose someone you love, a year is nothing.
