Page 66 of The Shape of Your Heart
‘All I can say is, I’m so grateful we’re all here together.’ Rita raises her glass. ‘To you guys. You’re the best.’
We chink our glasses together as the wood crackles in the fireplace.
‘Makes you think, doesn’t it?’ Sasha says. ‘How quickly things can change?’ She turns to me. ‘We haven’t really talked about Liam, Cal.’
‘It doesn’t mean we’re not thinking of him,’ Rita says gently.
‘I know. There are still days it feels like he could walk back in through the door.’ But they’re getting fewer. ‘When I think back to last Christmas, then the one before…’ I swallow, taking in the sympathy in their eyes. ‘It’s really weird how in many ways, it feels like a lifetime ago.’
‘You’re doing so well,’ Alice says gently.
‘Am I? I feel like I’ve been drifting. I look at you three and everything you’ve achieved in your lives. I’m kind of thinking I need to find my thing.’ I watch them glance at each other. ‘I was asked to go out tonight,’ I say suddenly, watching the surprise on their faces. ‘By Nathan, the guy I’m helping with his garden.’
‘Maybe you should have gone,’ Sasha says quietly.
‘Right now, I want to be here with you three.’ I don’t tell them about the girl I saw at Nathan’s. However shocked I felt at the time, it doesn’t ring true that Nathan would ask me out if there was someone else in his life. ‘So what’s happening with you guys?’ My eyes turn to Sasha. ‘Married-man – has he gone?’
‘Well and truly.’ She looks relieved.
‘That’s great news.’ I raise my glass and chink it against hers. ‘Your turn, Rita.’
‘Completely over him.’
‘Hallelujah. He was a real piece of work. So,’ I hesitate, ‘is there someone new?’
‘Maybe.’ Rita’s cheeks flush pink. ‘I’m not saying a word until I know if it’s going anywhere.’
‘Don’t leave it too long, please…’ I look at Alice. ‘And?’
‘And what?’ She tries to keep a straight face.
‘Come on, out of all of us, it sounded like you’d found someone… You have to tell us!’ Rita rolls her eyes.
‘OK.’ Smiling around at us, Alice relents. ‘It’s really nice, actually. We’re thinking of moving in together.’
‘OMG.’ I stare at her. ‘You have to bring him here. We need to meet him. How about tomorrow?’
She’s laughing as she shakes her head. ‘He’s staying with his family – in Edinburgh. But yes, I’d love you all to meet him – as long as you don’t do this to him.’
‘Do what?’ I say innocently.
‘This frigging inquisition, or whatever you want to call it.’
‘You have our word. It’s brilliant, though.’ Sasha’s eyes are bright. ‘I’m really happy for you.’
The mood changes as we lapse into a silence that’s broken by the tick of the grandfather clock.
‘It’s kind of weird to think of another family living here.’ Sasha sounds emotional. ‘I mean, all our lives, it’s been our house.’
‘Things change,’ I say simply. ‘Not always the way we want them to. And there’s not always anything we can do about that. After they’ve moved out, I won’t want to come back.’
‘Me neither,’ Rita says.
At that moment, a sense of urgency grips me. Trying to hide how uneasy I feel, I get up. ‘You know, I might pop back to the hospital. I don’t like to think of Mum on her own.’
My sisters look alarmed. ‘We’ll come with you.’
‘It’s OK.’ I hesitate. ‘You stay here. I’ll bring Mum back with me and we can all go over there tomorrow.’
