Page 70 of The Shape of Your Heart
I’ll never know if I imagine the word that comes to me, but I do know it’s true.
Always…
It’s a moment I keep to myself, trying to make sense of it before giving up. But I’m left with a profound sense of gratitude for the conviction that while Liam may have gone from this life, he is still with me.
* * *
I’ve still been spending most of my time at my parents’ house. At some point I know I have to go home, but I’m worried about leaving my mother with too much to cope with. When I go to find her, she’s in the kitchen sorting through a mountain of paperwork.
She looks up as I come in. ‘Ah, Callie. Isn’t it time you thought about going home?’
‘What about you?’ I say anxiously.
‘You mustn’t worry about me. I’ll be fine,’ she insists. ‘I have plenty to do before we put the house on the market.’
I’ve been wondering if they’ve changed their minds about moving, but they clearly haven’t. ‘I’ll come back tomorrow,’ I tell her. With my father able to do little to help, there’s too much for her to do alone.
‘There’s really no need. You have your life to live,’ she says firmly. ‘We’ll be absolutely fine. I can always call you if I need you.’
Gazing at the paperwork, I think about the cupboards and drawers full of a lifetime’s worth of possessions. ‘Mum, there’s a lot to do here.’
‘Well, I’ll do what I can, then maybe you girls can help me with the rest.’ Her no-nonsense manner is back.
‘Are you sure you’re going to be OK?’ I say quietly.
‘Of course I am.’ She stops for a moment. ‘We both are. Your father and I have had a long and wonderful life together. We’ve been lucky that until now, we’ve both had our health. But as you get older, these things happen. You know, I’ll always be grateful to him.’ She hesitates, an odd look crossing her face. ‘Do you know he saved me from a dreadful man?’
Astonished, I sit down opposite her. ‘I had no idea. What happened?’
‘A very good question.’ She frowns. ‘I suppose at the time, I was a little deluded, really. I was engaged to this chap. Completely smitten.’ She rolls her eyes. ‘Anyway, just before our wedding, I found out he’d been having an affair. It was quite shocking at the time. Your father was one of his friends – well, that was until he found out. He came to see how I was. Of course, I was utterly hopeless. I told him how in love with Magnus I was…’
‘Magnus?’ I can’t help but giggle.
My mother looks surprised. ‘That was his name, yes. Your father proceeded to give me chapter and verse on just what a total bounder Magnus was. And that if I hadn’t seen through him, I needed to open my eyes. I was quite taken aback, as you can imagine. But of course, I realised he was right.’
‘I’ve never told you, but the week before our wedding, Liam and I had a wobble.’ The words are out before I can stop them. ‘He didn’t want to have children. We spent a night apart… He came back the next day and begged me to forgive him. He said he did want to marry me. I think it was pre-wedding jitters. Of course, I forgave him…’
As I speak, my mother listens in silence, before getting up. She comes over to me, her eyes glistening as she takes my hands in hers. ‘I know relationships are never perfect, but maybe it’s as well you didn’t marry him,’ she says quietly. ‘It’s hard enough over the years, without being on different pages at the start.’
‘I was weak,’ I say simply.
‘Callie, you have never been weak,’ she says sadly. ‘You were in love.’
* * *
But over the last year, I’ve learned who to trust, and who not to. And in spite of the girl I saw at his house, something tells me Nathan’s one of the former. Still, it’s been a while since I’ve seen him, And deciding to take matters into my own hands, after work the next day, I drive over to Nathan’s.
When he opens the door, he looks pleased to see me. ‘I was just thinking about you. Would you like to come in?’
‘Thanks.’ Going inside, I close the door behind me as the heat from the wood burner reaches me. ‘It’s nice in here.’ I hesitate. ‘I’m sorry I haven’t been in touch. But as you know, there’s been so much going on.’
‘I can imagine…’ He looks at me. ‘I wanted to see you, too. Last time you were here. I’m guessing you saw Emily and jumped to the wrong conclusion. Just so you know, she pitched up here completely uninvited. I want you to know there’s nothing going on between us.’
I fold my arms. ‘From where I was standing, it looked pretty cosy between you. But… You had asked me on a New Year’s Eve date. And honestly, I don’t think you would have if you were seeing someone else.’ I frown slightly. ‘I am right, aren’t I?’
He looks relieved. ‘You are – completely. It’s the kind of thing Emily does. She’s impulsive – and pretty determined when she wants something. But I didn’t kiss her back – and it definitely was not reciprocated.’ He pauses. ‘She’s an ex. She dumped me when I was ill – there wasn’t space in her life for a boyfriend with health problems. She was staying with her parents over Christmas. They had a row and she just turned up here.’
I hold my hands up. ‘Honestly, I do believe you – and it’s really none of my business.’
