Page 73 of The Shape of Your Heart
I can tell by the way she’s talking, she’s determined to focus on the positives. ‘I know it’s not that simple,’ I say quietly. ‘But I guess for lots of reasons, moving will be a good thing.’
‘It’s the start of our next chapter – and a very good time to get rid of all the stuff we’ve collected over the years.’ She says it matter-of-factly, before pausing and looking at me. ‘So, Nathan, is there anyone special in your life?’
Taken aback, I’m not sure what to say. ‘Not for a while. I haven’t been well – I’m fine now, but I ended up taking about a year off. Since moving here, though, I think there may be.’
‘Callie?’ she says quietly.
I’m that transparent? My face feels hot as I nod. ‘I know she’s working through some stuff. And we’re friends… At least, I hope we are.’
Just then, the door opens and Callie comes back in. She looks excited. ‘Have you seen the daffodils coming up? You have tiny, wild ones – like yours, Mum. They’ve probably been there for decades. And you have a clematis in bud.’ She pauses. ‘I didn’t know you’d started a vegetable garden.’
‘I’ve probably done it wrong,’ I say hastily. ‘I have a book, but I’m learning as I go along.’
‘It’s cool.’ Callie turns to her mother. ‘How are you getting on?’
‘We’ve been having a nice chat.’ Diana catches my eye. ‘But it’s probably time we went home and found out what your father’s been up to.’ There’s understanding in Diana’s eyes. ‘Thank you, Nathan. It’s been so very nice to meet you – and you’ve been so helpful.’
‘If you have any questions, feel free to ask.’ I’m thinking quickly. ‘In fact, if you go back to look at the house again at some point, would it help if I come with you?’
* * *
I walk out to the car with them. As her mother gets in, Callie lingers. ‘You don’t have to do this.’
‘I’d like to help. Property is my thing – as you know.’ As I look at her, she seems preoccupied. ‘Are you OK?’
‘I’m not sure,’ she says quietly.
I fold my arms. ‘Want to talk about it?’
She hesitates for a moment. ‘I suppose it’s just a bit weird bringing my mother here.’
But I have a feeling there’s something she isn’t saying. I wonder if it’s the ghost of Liam again – or maybe it’s because this is the first time she’s brought one of her family into my life. ‘It’s honestly no problem. I’m happy to help, you know.’
‘I know you are. And thank you.’
‘You’re welcome.’
She gets into her car, then winds the window down. ‘You’re doing really well with your garden.’
‘Believe me, I’m still learning,’ I say as she starts her car. But she gives no indication that she’s heard me over the sound of the engine. Giving a wave, she drives away.
Back inside, the house feels empty, silent. Thinking about Callie, I have an instinct that whatever’s bothering her is something significant. Compared to the last time I saw her, she seemed distracted. I’ve given her the chance to share whatever it was, and I can’t do any more than that. But as I already know, she’s trying to find her own way.
27
CALLIE
A constant reminder of Liam, the presence of the letter hangs over me. Though I try to hide it, while my mother was talking to Nathan, once or twice I caught him watching me. It was as though he sensed something was wrong, but I couldn’t bring myself to tell him about it.
Not sure I’m ready to face its contents, I put it in a drawer and go outside. Even in winter, the garden is beautiful in less obvious ways. The muted palette of greys and mossy greens; the grasses I’ve yet to cut back somehow ghostly, ethereal. As I search for the earliest signs that winter is coming to an end, I notice the first buds forming amidst the shoots, while tiny buds of luminous green are appearing on the trees – all signs of spring stealing its way in, bringing with it a tentative sense of hope.
With the walk to Santiago de Compostela coming closer, even with Alice’s and Rita’s assurance that they’ll be spending time with our parents, I’m still not convinced I should be doing it.
Knowing that if I am, I need to start a more organised exercise regime, I call Sasha.
‘I’m having second thoughts,’ I tell her.
‘I thought you might be – because so am I. So I spoke to Rita last night. Honestly, I think we don’t need to worry. She’s going to stay with Mum and Dad for her Easter break, and Alice is taking leave – and we both know Alice rarely takes leave.’
