Page 80 of The Shape of Your Heart
I watch her finish digging up what I know to be a clump of asters. It’s winter and they’re nothing to look at now, but in autumn they come into their own in a haze of purple.
‘Right,’ she says. ‘That’ll do for now.’
‘Any news about the house?’ I ask as we walk across the garden.
‘Not yet.’ When she opens the back door, the dogs are waiting, wagging their tails at her. ‘You two are fair-weather friends,’ she admonishes them, as she takes off her coat. ‘They didn’t want to go out in the rain,’ she tells me.
‘I’m with them.’ I follow her through to the kitchen where Dad is making cups of tea, as I notice some paint charts on the table.
‘You’re going to decorate?’
My mother glances at them. ‘I’m thinking about colour schemes for the new house. After living with your father’s obsession with magnolia, I thought it would be nice to have a change.’
My father raises his eyebrows at her. ‘There’s nothing wrong with magnolia. It’s a perfectly nice, neutral colour.’
‘Wow. But Dad, why not? You might even find you like it.’ I sit down as he places a mug in front of me.
‘That all depends on your mother.’ Sitting down again, he starts going through the pile of papers in front of him.
I turn to my mother. ‘So what was it you wanted to talk to me about?’
She looks cagey. ‘I happened to have a little chat with Nathan yesterday.’
Across the table, my father clears his throat.
‘Oh.’ I’m not sure I like the idea of my mother and Nathan having a conversation about me. Suddenly I’m on my guard. ‘I think I can guess what about.’
‘He understands why you were upset,’ she says more gently. ‘For the record, so do I. Your father does, too.’ Glancing at my father briefly, she turns back to me. ‘It really is rather extraordinary when you think about it.’
I try to find the words. ‘Actually, I’m finding it really weird.’
‘It isn’t Nathan’s fault, you know,’ she adds.
‘I know that. But I can’t help how I feel.’ I look at my parents. ‘To be honest, I don’t want to talk about it.’
When I leave, my father walks out to my car with me. ‘Your mother means well, you know.’
I nod. ‘I know she does. But she doesn’t know how weird this feels. Dad, you should go inside. It’s pouring out here.’
He kisses me on the cheek. ‘Don’t make any rash decisions. Give it some time.’
* * *
After leaving my parents, on impulse I drive to Nathan’s. I’m not sure what I’m hoping for, but maybe we do need to talk.
When he opens the door, he looks at me warily. ‘Hi.’
‘I come in peace,’ I say quietly. ‘Actually, I was hoping we could talk.’
Standing back, he lets me in, then closes the door behind me.
‘I’m sorry about last time.’ I gaze at him. ‘I was in shock. I didn’t know what to think. But then I realised it must have been just as much a shock for you.’
‘You could say. I mean, there are so many coincidences in order for it to have happened at all…’ He tails off. ‘Would you like a cup of tea?’
I hesitate. ‘Do you have anything stronger?’
After Nathan pours two glasses of wine, we take them over to the sofa, as I try to explain. ‘I suppose, ever since it happened, I haven’t wanted to think about Liam’s heart being used for a transplant. And when your letter came, I didn’t want to open it. I knew it had the potential to take me back to when it happened. It did…’ My voice wobbles. ‘And then I realised the letter was from you. I couldn’t cope. You see…’ Looking into his eyes, I take a deep breath. ‘You were right, the other day. I do have feelings for you. And I’ve been coming to the point where I know that’s OK. Then when I read the letter, it was like everything was turned upside down again.’ I blink at him, slightly tearful. ‘Do you understand?’
