Page 96 of The Shape of Your Heart
Josefine shrugs. ‘Maybe he knew you had to find your own way.’
Her words stick with me as we carry on walking, as more things fall into place. Loss and grief, as well as leading me to find my strength, have shifted me on to a path I wouldn’t otherwise have taken.
‘We are about halfway,’ Josefine tells me as we climb another headland. ‘Another three weeks or so and we’ll be in Santiago de Compostela. We will have completed our Caminos, my friend.’
Stopping for a moment, I take in the view of the rugged coast and green hills of Asturias. ‘Are you flying out straight away?’
‘As soon as I book a flight. How about you?’
‘I’m going to look into trains.’ I tell her about the horrendous ferry crossing.
‘I don’t get why anyone would put themselves through that. Why didn’t you fly?’
‘I have a deep-seated and pathological fear of being airborne,’ I tell her. ‘It simply isn’t natural. And if something goes wrong, I can’t get off.’
‘The ferry is better?’ She cocks an eyebrow at me.
‘I don’t like ferries either,’ I say quickly.
Josefine looks confused. ‘You’re brave enough to do this walk on your own, but too scared to get a short flight back to the UK. I don’t understand.’
‘That alone tells you how terrified of flying I am,’ I say firmly.
‘It doesn’t make sense, but I’m not going to try to change your mind. What will you do after your long and expensive train journey?’
I hesitate. I haven’t thought much beyond completing this walk. ‘I’m going to get a job.’
‘Doing what?’
‘I used to work in a bookshop. They’ve said they’ll keep my job for me, but I’m thinking it might be time for me to find something else – something new.’ I think of the pleasure Nathan’s garden has given me. ‘I’ve been helping a friend – he doesn’t know a thing about gardening. I might try to do something like that again.’
‘A friend?’ Josefine sounds curious. ‘A man?’
‘A friend,’ I say firmly. Then I sigh. ‘Actually, it’s frigging complicated. I met him too soon after losing Liam.’ I go on, telling her how we met and about Nathan’s heart transplant.
She looks thunderstruck. ‘I see what you mean about complicated. I mean, what are the chances?’
‘I was quite upset when I found out. I’m not now. It’s just a strange reality that I’m gradually learning to live with. Sometimes I’m OK with it. Other times,’ I shake my head. ‘It’s just too weird.’
‘Do you like this guy?’
I turn to her. ‘Honestly?’
‘What other way is there?’ She sounds frustrated.
‘OK. Yes. I’ve tried not to, but I really like him.’ But then I think about his heart again. ‘I was hoping this walk would help me work things out in my head.’
Josefine’s silent for a moment. ‘I think you should forget about Nathan’s heart. You’ve been through some shit – and so has he. It’s rather cool that you’ve found each other.’
‘I suppose when you put it like that…’ As her words sink in, I find myself looking at it differently. ‘Anyway, I’ve probably put him off me.’
‘Do not be so negative,’ she says crossly. ‘Seriously, Callie. Most people end up kissing a lot of frogs before they find their prince.’ She breaks off. ‘Your Liam… he wasn’t a frog, was he?’
‘Definitely not,’ I say softly. ‘He was a prince.’
‘And this Nathan?’ She arches her eyebrows.
‘Not a frog, either.’
