Page 15 of Lady, Behave
He looked away and back to meet her frankly. “No, I never have. Except for the few years I was in prison in Verdun, I have had everything I ever wanted. At my fingertips, instantly.”
“Well,” she said and drew herself up into her dignity, “many of us have not had that privilege.”
He winced. “I see I need to acquire humility.”
A spark of humor lit in her veins. “A fine trait.”
He shook his head, smiling ruefully with frustration on his brow. “I meant that either man appears so taken that he may well soon offer marriage to you.”
“I know what you meant.”
“You make this difficult.”
“Do I?” She let fly her anxiety over her need to find a good man to marry soon. “You cannot imagine how difficult it is to be a woman who must have money to marry, to marry in order to eat, to be counted as a citizen, to have a bank account, to be a legal entity to a solicitor. You cannot imagine how difficult it is to put yourself on display like a hat in a milliner’s shop. To pour tea, to dress trussed up like a Christmas hen, to dance until your feet fall off, to engage in mealy discussions of weather, Prince George’s finery, and the latest crop of persimmons. To long for a ripping argument about why half of Wellington’s victorious army sit in the streets, begging for coin to buy bread. Or how children run vagrant because their mothers sit upstairs servicing a man and emptying a bottle of gin.” She’d made a scene and with him, of all people. Tomorrow she might regret confronting him. But at the moment, triumph consumed her. “I regret the outburst. Forgive me. I must go.”
“Don’t leave me.” He reached for her hand.
In the crowded room, if anyone noticed, she searched his repentant brown eyes for the truth in his soul.
“I do apologize, my darling, Addy. Please tell me what you want in a husband.”
A man who loves me for who I truly am and not the empty-headed diamond he assumes appears before him. “A man who sees those elements that can make him truly happy. A man who works according to his skills and with his resources to build a sound living for himself and his family. I have met rakes, gamblers, men who take from others their money, their daughters, their possessions. I want an honest man who will work to create a good life for his family and himself.”
He sank against the back of his chair.
She had surprised him with her fervor. Good. She’d do more. “I’ve met men who are greedy, miserly, taking…no, robbing other men of what they cannot earn for themselves. I want a man who has no time or interest to traffic in such crimes against another. I want a man with ethics. And yes, one with morals, too.”
He appeared as enchanted as startled. “You ask a lot of a man.”
She sniffed. “A husband will ask much of me.”
“You wish to respect your husband. A good goal.”
“He will be able to respect me. The trade is even.”
Gyles nodded. “And fair.”
She tugged at his hand.
“No. Please sit with me.”
She longed for peace with him. “I don’t want to argue. Not with you.”
“Addy, I am so taken with you. You are filled with the joy of life, and yet you have known sorrow, death, a few nefarious men who have not made the best impression on your good heart. Yet you are so young.”
She could not decide if that were an insult or a compliment. “I am twenty! Soon to be—”
He gave her a lopsided grin. “Twenty-one.”
Soothed, she pressed her lips together and rolled her eyes at him. “Terribly old.”
“But sweet and untarnished by time or circumstance.”
“I have chinks in my armor, sir.”
“Not large ones, my darling. Not like many young women. Or men. You are enthusiastic, positive. Out in the world to enjoy it and contribute your talents.”
“I have faults. I am too proud and too determined.”
