Page 54 of Runes To Rain
I was surprised, of course, to hear about the sword. When he heard she didn’t have it on her, he asked calmly to be brought to her room. Fem led us there, and we watched as Malam crouched and pulled a sword from beneath the bed as though he knew it would be there. Then I got a better look at the sword, saw the blade, and realized that indeed he did know it would be there.
The reality of the truth that Chaosta had been telling us crashed down on me as I saw the fucking Demonforged blade she’d had under her bed. Not some steel sword she found, this was a sword that was crafted by demon magic. A sword that belongs to Malam. Still, I had to ask. He confirmed she had summoned him at the concert, that she’s able to summon him instantly. He told us that he was collecting the sword so it didn’t fall into the wrong hands in her absence.
In that moment, I was pulled back to memories of comedown and withdrawal symptoms when I first spent time at a recoverycenter. The room was spinning, and there was sweat on my forehead. I escaped outside to get some space and a little fresh air. Those were not pleasant memories, and certainly not things I wanted to share with the other guys.
I still don’t quite know why I had, or am having, such a strong reaction to this. Once outside, I managed to get everything to stop spinning and settle myself a bit.
When I got back into the entry hall, Reem had Lent pulled off to the side, seeminglycomforting him while Malam spoke quietly with Fem in the corner of the room.
I went over to Malam, and when I joined them, their conversation quickly ended. I finally spoke the words I’ve been wanting to say for a while. I was angry and didn’t know what else to do. I’ll admit I raised my voice. I’ll admit it was unfair of me at that moment to direct my anger and other strong emotions at him and the other guys. I just had to share my frustration about why she has to be living with us, how she’s bringing government attention and therefore danger to our door when our work is so important.
All I wanted to do at that moment was try to convince Malam that she’s not who he thinks she is. As I explained all the stuff I see that is concerning, I finally saw the side of him I recognize. He came right back at me. It was somehow worse than the last time we clashed. He didn’t concede anything. Specifically, he said, “Her creation was mine, but her destiny isn’t mine to own. You think there is a problem, talk to her about it, not me.”
At the time, I found it confusing since there is no way he could have literally “created” her. There is no way demons have that power. It felt more like posturing than anything else.
There’s also the small fact that none of us seems to want to talk about. The fact that she may not even return.
Eventually, Lent pulled me away, and somehow in that infuriatingly charming way he has, he got me calmed down. I’m surprised he was able to do that. He must be struggling more than any of us with her absence. He’s so clearly infatuated with her.
Lent and I eventually went back to the conversation, and if I thought I couldn’t be more shocked, I was wrong. As we returned to the group, Fem, Reem, and Malam were discussing the murder charges and what truth there might be to them. I waited for Malam to profess her innocence and was already starting to prepare a rebuttal in my head. Instead, he pulled the rug out from under all of us when he confirmed he not only believed she had, in fact, killed someone, but that it was an angel.
I’ve had a day to process this, or I wouldn’t be able to write this calmly. This one took a while. At the time, I reacted strongly to that statement. No one has seen an angel in centuries. Even if they were walking around with us, they’ve got to be incredibly difficult to kill. They are immortals after all.
The room started spinning again, and I argued with him. Told him it couldn’t have been an angel. As I was trying my hardest to focus on the facts, Fem said quietly that Chaosta had tried to tell him this months ago.
I could relate. So many truths I’ve clung to were being ripped apart in front of us. Fem shared that at the time she’d said it, he’d thought it was the pain medsfrom her leg injury. That he thought she was seeing things. She’d been upset by receiving care from what she claimed was an angel healer and said she’d just killed an angel. I hadn’t heard about that specific incident, but the other guys had told me about how she’d hallucinated when she was on pain meds.
Malam shared that there are angels walking among us and only demons can see them, well, demons and Chaosta. He said demons are also able to disguise themselves, but he has no need to with us because they knew what he was when he was first summoned by the old lead singer. Malam shared that the city officials who had taken Chaosta were likely angels, and they’d most likely be holding her at the angel stronghold.
He also confirmed that angels are extremely hard to kill, but they can be killed more easily with a Demonforged blade. He also shared that angels and demons have an uneasy truce and haven’t killed each other outright in centuries, but that wasn’t always the case.
I’m not proud, but I lost it again. I was suddenly screaming at him about how he’d gotten us in this mess with how he spoils her. I’d finally put everything together and realized that by “create,” he must have meant that he taught her how to wield a sword. I screamed at him about how I couldn’t believe how irresponsible it was that he allowed this “unstable weapon” to live with us. I was upset about him allowing her to continue to carry a sword when he knew she had hurt or killed someone previously.
I can still picture all their faces. In the end, I put my fist through a wall before I left the mansion to get some air. When I got back, Fem needed to stitch me up. Not like he didn’t already have enough on his mind.
I need to get control of my shit.
Even now, a day later, my hands are shaking, and I haven’t been able to concentrate. Fem is being surprisingly kind to me, even though I can tell he thinks I’m out of control. The others are treading carefully like I’m a bomb that’s about to go off.
Damn it, I’m going boxing again, stitches and Fem’s advice be damned.
DIO’S JOURNAL - ENTRY 211
Annum:5614
Entry 211 - torpeo
Fuck, I really messed up my hand, so this is a few days late, and it’s going to be a short entry. If I ever decide to punch a wall again, I need to remember to use my non-dominant hand.
I did end up going boxing, which felt like a good idea at the time. In retrospect, I’ve had better. Not that I’ve had many winners recently.
I Need To Stop Spiraling
When I got back to the mansion, I could tell by the others’ expressions that I may have overdone it. I thought Fem was going to punch me when he got me into the office and finally got a chance to see my injuries. Joke’s on him, I already had two black eyes. I’d also torn the stitches open on my hand, and there were others,but that’s not important. I thought I’d taped my hand up well enough, but I guess not.
I didn’t even complain as he got me patched up. I thought he’d be rough because of his frustration at me, but he was surprisingly gentle. I almost asked him not to be, but even I’m not that much of a masochist.
I still can’t quite believe she’s not been dealing with addiction this whole time. I know what Malam said, but her behavior is just too familiar to me. Too many of the signs line up. Maybe she made a mistake, hurt someone, and is sitting in a cell somewhere. I think a part of me believes this might be a good wake-up call for her.
