Page 55 of Runes To Rain
DIO’S JOURNAL - ENTRY 271
Annum:5614
Entry 271 - finem mortuorum
Whatever my feelings are about what happened and why Chaosta is incarcerated, it's been over a month, and we haven’t heard anything. We’ve tried communicating with the city office, and it’s a dead end. At this point, we’ve exhausted every other option. When I mentioned this as a last-ditch option to the others a month ago, I meant it. There is nothing I’d like less than needing to reach out to my brother, but none of us know what else to do about Chaosta.
I can now admit she was leading the research that was helping us make progress, since, with her gone, we’ve stalled out completely. She’s clearly an important piece on the chessboard, and in our current circumstances, as things continue to get more and more grim, I can’t overlook how helpful it would be to have her back with us. Besides, we all make mistakes. Months incarcerated without any actual charges doesn’t seem to be appropriate.
Of course, I made the mistake of mentioning my lawyer brother shortly after Chaosta was arrested. The others have been pressuring me to reach out to Alexander for weeks now, but I just couldn’t make myself do so until I knew we’d exhausted every other route. Dragging up the past isn’t something to do lightly. Since it was clear this morning that we have no other options, I've attempted to make contact. Because he’s such an ass, and I guess I can acknowledge he’s busy, it may take a little while, but at least I’ve done what I can for now.
I think what finally decided me was learning that another of my old contacts is sick from the poison in the air. He has always struggled with his health, but still, it feels too close to home. I think the other guys are also feeling pressure to make progress on our magic again because of the current state of the world. It’s as though this distasteful task we’ve given ourselves, with the cause, is becoming lighter as things continue to grow more grim. We desperately need to get back on track with that work. Desperately enough that I’m willing to speak with my brother.
DIO’S JOURNAL - ENTRY 290
Annum:5614
Entry 290 - causidicus
I finally got a meeting scheduled with my brother. I’d rather slam my fingers in a door than see him, but if anyone can get Chaosta out of there, it’s him. It’s a fortnight out, but I have a meeting with him.
I’ve had plenty of time to think recently.
I’ve been struggling with Chaosta’s arrest more than I should be. I think it's because I didn’t listen to her or try to believe her sooner. The more I think about it, the more I realize I need to trust what Malam says. If he says she’s not an addict, I guess I need to believe that. Maybe my own experience has just blinded me. Or maybe I’ve just been trying to avoid the other emotions I feel when I’m around her.
I still can’t believe the governmentofficials have her. I hope she’s not actually being held by angels, or even Alexander might not be able to get her out. We should have been able to keep her safe, and the fact that she may not be is tearing at my self-control. The intensity of these feelings reminds me far too much of how I felt back when I was in treatment, and I’m white knuckling every day right now.
Finally, though, at least the meeting with Alexander means I’m making some progress toward getting her out and just in time for our concert tomorrow. I have no idea how we’re going to pull this off with how distracted we’ve all been, but at least this meeting is something else to focus on.
EXISTENCE IS PERSISTENT
The days all blend together here. I’m not sure how much time has passed, but it’s significant, more like several months than several weeks.
For a while at the beginning of my incarceration, I kept track, but it got depressing, so now I just exist.
My ribs itch, and I rub at them, but it doesn’t stop. If past experience is anything to go by, and it’s a large enough collection of knowledge that I suspect it is, the itching won’t stop until they take the stitches out. At least since the wounds are still fresh, I have at least a fortnight until they question me again.
I miss the drugs from the center. At least there I was numb.
I wonder if the boys even remember me.
For some reason, I can’t stop thinking about Dio.
I don’t dare try to summon Malam here; the risk is too great. That’s if he would even show up, and I wouldn’t blame him for not. It was my actions alone that led to my arrest, and I can’t help but think there is a purpose to all of this. I guess I’ll continue existing until I figure it out or someone decides to take that decision from me
At least my chest finally stopped aching.
DIO’S JOURNAL - ENTRY 291
Annum:5615
Entry 291 - turbatio
The less we speak about that concert, the better. We packed the space with fans. I think most of them had a pretty good time. We got through the full set, and I guess no one got hurt.
I, however, feel like a failure. I was a mess. I kept screwing up the keys, couldn’t remember all of the lyrics, and I nearly dropped the entire last chorus of one of our new songs. I don’t know what was going on with me. I couldn’t concentrate. I tried to push through, but I could tell that the other guys were disappointed.
I might as well start using again at this point. My feelings about what might be going on with Chaosta are messing me up more than I probably would be if I just started injecting again.
