Page 61 of Runes To Rain
We are both silent for a long moment, and then he asks, “Can I do anything else for you, Chaosta?”
I simply shake my head.
He stands and says, “Tell the coven I’ll see them soon.” Then he vanishes in a swirling cloud of shadow and wingbeats.
I sit on the chair I was just standing behind and rest my head on one hand. I take a moment, steeling myself for the flood of emotions I know will hit me when I leave the room.
Eventually, when I can put it off no longer, I rise and walk through the door. The boys are waiting still, just outside. They begin to move toward me as I walk back into the entry hall. Other than Dio, who just moves enough to stand on his own, no longer leaning on the wall. He looks as though he wants to say something, but doesn’t.
Lent is standing close to Reem and they were clearly having a conversation before I left the office.
Fem is standing a little way away, closer to Dio, and in particular, he is appraising me, clearly noting my injuries. His face is full of concern.
Fem opens his mouth as though to say something, but before he can, I say to no one in particular, “Malam said he’ll see you soon.” I pause for a moment and then finish, “I’m going to go to my room to get some rest. It’s been a long day.” With that, I turn and walk out of the entry hall.
I still feel Dio’s eyes on me, but he remains silent.
As I step into my room, another wave of emotion hits, and once the door is fully closed, the sob I’ve been restraining escapes from my chest. I carefully lower myself to the floor, my legs wobbling badly enough that I’m not sure if they’ll be able tocarry me to the bed. I rest, leaning back against the door, carefully controlling my breathing and letting the pain recede.
After several minutes, I close my eyes, but all I can see in the blackness is Dio’s face, his cheekbones more hollow than I remember, and with a curse, I open them again.
Feeling stronger for the brief rest and annoyed with myself and needing a distraction, I carefully and slowly push myself to my feet and move to the bed. I grab a book from a pile under my bed and disturb a stack of papers. They fall across the floor at the side of my bed. A mess which I carefully ignore.
Swearing at myself, emotions still crashing into me, I clamber slowly and painfully into bed. After settling myself against some pillows, I open the book and begin to try to focus on words that, despite my best efforts, begin to blur with tears.
DIO’S JOURNAL - ENTRY 337
Annum:5615
Entry 337 - obsequium
I was so wrong to think I’d be able to get control of my emotions once Chaosta got back. I need to figure this out and address it soon. My control is too imperative.
We were all anxious this morning as we waited for her arrival. Alexander contacted me midday to let me know everything was running later than expected because the officials had been dragging their feet. Nothing unexpected, but waiting for the additional time was agonizing.
He also told me he suspected they’d beaten her after they got the paperwork to release her. He told me that when he asked her what had happened, she’d told him she’d been in a fight. When I asked how bad it was, all he’d say was, “Bad enough.” My emotions really tried to take overwhen he said that. I felt so much anger. Of course, my control always needs to be iron-clad; emotions like this just chip away at it, and things get more volatile than they should. In retrospect, perhaps I understand why the guys have been treading so carefully around me recently.
Fuck. I really should talk to them about it. My control is better than they might assume.
I don’t know why she’d lie about getting in a fight like that, but at the time, I couldn’t exactly picture her surviving a scuffle with another inmate. However, I knew I’d spent enough time underestimating or not believing her. I had promised myself I’d do better, so I told him I was sure if she said she was in a fight, that’s what happened.
The conversation with him actually wasn’t that bad. Maybe he’s maturing, or maybe I was just distracted enough about her return that I ignored his typical behavior. No matter, he’s fulfilled his role and now I won’t ever need to talk to him again.
It was about an hour later when Lent, who’d taken it upon himself to serve as a lookout, called out that there was a carriage stopped outside. We all joined him in the entry hall. If I ever wanted the familiar feeling of a high to dull my emotions, it was then.
After another agonizing wait, he opened the door, and I watched as he wrapped his arms around her. I don’t know why but I felt a spark of envy when I sawher in his arms. I’m sure if I’m envious, it’s because there isn’t a history of arguments and distrust hanging over Lent’s head. Their relationship is so easy. Now that she’s back, I’m sure he’ll continue to court her. Though I know I should be happy for him, for some reason, it just makes me want to punch him.
When he FINALLY let her go, and I could see her, I suddenly couldn’t breathe. Her nose was broken with the accompanying black eyes, and the way the fingers on her right hand were taped, they’re clearly broken as well.
While I’m not surprised Alexander thought she might have been beaten, the placement of her injuries screams hand-to-hand combat. I’ve walked away from boxing matches looking not dissimilar on multiple occasions. Also, I’m beginning to wonder if she won the fight because other than those injuries, she looked surprisingly well. She looked really good, actually.
She walked into the room with more confidence than I remember. Maybe it was the dress, so different from the frilly, ruffly things she used to wear. She looked like a queen. Then Malam came out of somewhere. I’m not sure if the others knew he was here, but I didn’t until that moment. I was momentarily distracted from my surprise at his appearance as she looked at me. I so badly wanted to say something to her, but the weight of the disagreements between us was too much. I couldn’t find the words.
Instead, I was silent, just wishing I could breatheas she glanced around and then fucking ordered Malam to the office. I felt myself readying for a fight since there’s no way a demon follows a human’s orders. However, not only did he obey, when he told Fem to go with them, a decision I frankly still side with him on, and she denied him, he fucking bowed his head to her. Then he just meekly followed her into the room without another word.
Even if I hadn’t been distracted by trying to retain control, even if I’d been feeling my best, I don’t think I’d have known what to do with that.
After a quarter hour or more had passed, she emerged from the office by herself. Somehow, she must have un-summoned Malam because he was gone. She told us that he’d see us soon. Again, I wanted so badly to say something to her, but even as I write this, I don’t have the words. Instead, she told us she was going to her room to rest and then left us all standing there.
