Page 76 of Tuxedos and Tinsel
“I did. I…do. At least that’s part of it.”
“What do you mean?” The way he looked at her, his expression direct and focused, it felt like he was trying to read her mind. He played with a tendril of hair by her ear. “Is there another reason?”
How did she explain? “I’m not sure I can put it into words,” she told him.
“Try.”
“All right, but not here.” Looking around for a quiet area, she saw that the staircase was empty. It was too early for anyone to venture to the roof. Most of the partygoers were still busy milling about near the bar. “Come with me.”
“This is cozy,” he said when they stepped outside. “I like the way you think.”
“I didn’t want anyone listening,” she told him. She’d been right about the crowd. The rooftop was empty except for the bartender who was tucked away behind the Plexiglas wall of the bar, out of the cold.
The flames in the gas firepit flickered brightly. Susan led Lewis to one of the sofas making up the surrounding circle.
No sooner had they sat down than the bartender emerged from his shelter, carrying a plaid blanket.
“Welcome to the rooftop,” he greeted as he handed the blanket over to Lewis who promptly draped the material around them.
“Wouldn’t want you to get cold,” he murmured, his breath warm against her temple.
The shiver that followed was anything but cold.
“Can I get you something to drink?” the bartender asked. “The special tonight is peppermint hot chocolate. Guaranteed to warm you from the inside out.”
“Depends,” Susan mused. “Does it have a holiday name?”
The man looked confused. “Peppermint hot chocolate,” he said.
“Then I think we’re good,” Lewis replied. “We’ll create our own warmth.” He scooped Susan’s legs up over his lap. She gasped as the cold from his hand touched her leg, but then snuggled against his chest. Being in his arms was like being nestled in a wonderfully safe cocoon.
“Now,” he said. “Tell me this reason you can’t put into words.”
For a second, Susan had forgotten what they’d been talking about. “I hate this party,” she said, laying her head on his shoulder. “All parties really, but this one most of all. Usually I make up an excuse and stay home, but this year Thomas didn’t give me a choice.”
“Why do you avoid it?”
“Isn’t it obvious?” She was always alone, in a room where she felt like everyone was dreading having to talk with her. “Think of the wedding times ten.”
A frown formed on Lewis’s face. “It makes you feel like a pathetic loser?”
“Bingo. All these groups of people who know each other chatting away and there I am, with a stupid smile on my face, wondering if any of them will invite me to join them.”
“And you were too afraid to join them yourself.”
“Not scared.” Scared was the wrong word. “More like I could feel the barrier between me and them, if that makes sense. Like I could go over to them, but I would still be the outsider without anything to say. You saw Maria. The only thing she could talk to me about was work.” At least it was, before they had Lewis to talk about. “And she’s one of the friendliest.”
It was embarrassing, listening to herself complain like this. She didn’t like revealing this side of herself. For some reason, however, it seemed to happen around Lewis. Whether because the way he looked at her when she spoke loosened her tongue or because she felt he understood, she didn’t know.
Losing herself in the blue of the fire, she continued. “Normally, I don’t care what they think. We’re talking about coworkers and employees. I don’t need to be their friend. Every once in a while though…well, that’s why I stay home. Being in my apartment is a lot more comfortable than being a wallflower.”
“You could simply hang with your family,” he said.
“I try, but Thomas believes in mingling and Linus is friends with the entire company. I look like the sad baby sister tagging along.” Just like when they were kids.
“So along with getting a little revenge on those bathroom chicks, you wanted me to be here to keep you from feeling alone. Is that what you’re telling me?”
“Sort of.” The words still weren’t completely right. “Have you ever wanted to be that person who everyone noticed? I mean, noticed in a good way? The person the whole room wants to be? Never mind. Forget I asked that.” Of course he knew.
