Page 17 of After Everything
I should have cared more. Or less. I wasn't sure which.
"Emma." Jess's voice softened. "Are you okay?"
Was I? I'd spent ten days going through the motions: work, home, sleep, repeat. Filing for divorce with Rachel's help. Changing my passwords. Blocking David's number. Doing all the things you're supposed to do when your marriage ends.
But I hadn't actually processed any of it. Hadn't let myself feel it. Because if I started feeling it, I might fall apart, and I couldn't afford to fall apart.
"I don't know," I said honestly.
Jess studied my face for a long moment. Then she pulled out the chair next to me and sat down.
"Okay, I'm going to say something, and you're going to listen." Her voice was gentle but firm. "You need to stop thinking about David."
"I'm not?—"
"You are. Even when you're not actively thinking about him, you're thinking about him. What he's doing, what's happening to him, whether he's suffering enough." She reached over and squeezed my hand. "Emma, he doesn't deserve this much space in your head."
I looked down at our hands. "He destroyed everything."
"He destroyed your marriage. That's not the same as everything." Jess leaned forward. "You still have your job. Your friends. Your sister. Your whole life. And you needto start thinking about what YOU want. Not what he deserves, not what punishment is fair. What do you want?"
The question hung in the air.
What did I want?
Ten days ago, I'd wanted him to hurt the way I was hurting. Wanted him to lose everything the way I'd lost everything. Wanted justice, revenge, vindication.
But now, sitting here in this break room, hearing about his career imploding and Sarah abandoning him—because I was sure she had—and his reputation crumbling… it didn't make me feel better. It just made me feel...
Tired.
"I don't know what I want," I admitted.
"Then figure it out." Jess stood up. "But start with something small. What do you want for dinner tonight? What do you want to watch on Netflix? What do you want to do this weekend that has nothing to do with David or divorce or any of this shit?"
I thought about it. "I want to go for a run. I haven't run in weeks."
"There you go." Jess smiled. "Start there. One thing at a time."
She was right. I'd been so consumed by what had happened, by what David had done, that I'd forgotten to think about what came next. About who I wanted to be now that everything had changed.
I wasn't David's wife anymore. I wasn't half of a couple, half of a future we'd planned together.
I was just... me.
And maybe that was enough to start with.
"Thank you," I said quietly.
Jess squeezed my shoulder. "That's what best friends are for. Now get back to work before your charge nurse realizes you've been gone for twenty minutes."
I stood up, and for the first time in ten days, I felt something other than numbness.
Not happiness. Not yet. But maybe the beginning of something like hope.
CHAPTER 7: DAVID
The email came Monday morning.
