Page 26 of After Everything
The past tense hit me like a physical blow.
"And now I don't know what to think," she continued. "Because the son I raised wouldn't do this. Wouldn't throw away his marriage, his career, everything good in his life, for... for what? A few months of sneaking around?"
"It wasn't like?—"
"Then what was it like?" She waited, but I had nothing to say. "That's what I thought."
Silence stretched between us.
"We're ashamed, David." Her voice was quiet now. Almost a whisper. "Your father won't say it, but I will. We're ashamed of what you did. Of who you've become."
My throat closed up. I couldn't breathe.
"I taught you better than this," she said. "We gave you every advantage, every opportunity. We taught you about integrity, about commitment, about treating people with respect. And you... you destroyed a good woman who loved you. Who gave up everything for you."
"Mom—"
"I need you to hear this." Her voice was firm again. "Because I don't think anyone else is going to say it to you. You didn't just lose Emma. You lost yourself. And until you figure out who you want to be… who you're supposed to be… you're not going to get better. You're just going to keep spiraling."
I stared at the whiskey bottle on the counter.
"I love you," she said. "But I can't keep pretending this is okay. I can't keep acting like you're going through a rough patch and you'll bounce back. This isn't a rough patch. This is who you've chosen to be."
"That's not fair."
"Isn't it?" She paused. "You made choices, David. Every single day, you made choices. To text someone other woman. To meet herat hotels. To lie to your wife. To risk everything for something that meant nothing. Those were your choices. And now you're living with the consequences."
"I know that," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.
"Then stop trying to contact Emma. Just… just leave her be. Stop acting like you're the victim here." She took a breath. "If you want to fix your life, start by leaving her alone. Let her move on. Let her be happy. She deserves that much."
"What about what I deserve?" The words came out bitter, pathetic.
"You got exactly what you deserved," Mom said. "And until you accept that, you're never going to change."
She hung up.
I sat there with the phone in my hand, my mother's words echoing in my head.
We're ashamed.
You lost yourself.
You got exactly what you deserved.
I looked around the apartment. The dirty dishes. The overflowing trash. The whiskey bottle that was almost empty now.The email from Margaret I couldn't bring myself to open.
My mom was right.
I'd become someone I didn't recognize. Someone pathetic and desperate and completely alone. Someone who'd destroyed everything good in his life and was sitting in a shitty apartment drinking himself into oblivion because he couldn't face what he'd done.
And I had no one to blame but myself.
CHAPTER 10: EMMA
FOUR MONTHS LATER
My lungs burned in the best way.
