Page 93 of After Everything
"Why?"
"Because—" I stopped. Started again. "Because four days ago you sat across from me and said you were in awe of me. You said you respected me. You looked at me like—" My voice cracked. "And the whole time, you were fielding offers from New York firms. Multiple offers. And I've been sitting here trying to decide if I could trust you again, if I could forgive you, if I could?—"
"If you could what?"
"If I could let you back into my life!" The admission came out too loud, too raw. "And now you're leaving and I—" I pressed my palms against my eyes. "God, I'm so stupid. I'm so fucking stupid for even considering?—"
"Emma." He was closer now, close enough that I could feel the warmth of him. "Look at me."
I dropped my hands but didn't look up.
"Emma, please."
I forced myself to meet his eyes.
"I'm not taking the job," he said.
The words didn't make sense. "What?"
"I'm not taking it. I turned them down yesterday. Called Jennifer back and told her I wasn't interested."
I stared at him. "You—what?"
"I'm staying here. In this office. Doing pro bono DV work that barely pays my rent. Because this is the life I want. This is who I want to be."
"You turned down Morrison & Klein."
"Yes."
"Partnership. Two million dollars. Everything."
"Yes."
"Why?" My voice came out as barely a whisper.
"Because I spent five months choosing ambition over you," he said. "Choosing what I thought I wanted over what actually mattered. And I'm not making that mistake again. Not for any amount of money. Not for any partnership. Not ever."
"David—"
"I know you're terrified," he continued. "I know you don't trust me. I know you're still deciding if you can even stand to be in the same room as me. But Emma, I'm not going anywhere. Not to New York. Not anywhere. Because this…" He gestured around the small office. "This work, this life, this person I've become… it's real. And more importantly, you're here. Even if all I ever get is working cases with you and occasionally bringing you coffee and watching you save lives from a distance… God, I'll take it. I’ll take it each and every day. Because having you in my life in any capacity is worth more than anything Morrison & Klein could ever offer me."
My heart was pounding so hard I could feel it in my throat. "You're serious."
"I called Jennifer yesterday afternoon. Told her I was staying here. She tried to negotiate. I said no. Then I declined five other offers from firms I'd been ignoring for weeks." He ran a hand through his hair. "I'm not going anywhere, Emma. I'm here. Doing work that matters. Being someone I canstand to be. And hoping…" His voice softened. "Hoping that maybe, someday, you'll believe that."
"I want to believe you." The words came out broken. "I want to so badly. But David, you hurt me. You destroyed me. And the idea of trusting you again, of letting you close enough to do that again?—"
"Then don't." He said it so simply. "Don't trust me yet. I'll earn it back. However long it takes. Years, if that's what you need. I'll show up every single day and prove to you that I'm not that person anymore."
"How can you be sure?" I was crying now, couldn't stop it. "How can you know you won't—that you won't choose wrong again?"
"Because I already made my choice." He took one more step closer, close enough to touch me but keeping his hands at his sides. "Three years ago, I chose ambition. I chose Sarah. I chose partnership and prestige and everything that looked like success from the outside. And I destroyed the only thing that actually mattered. I've spent every day since then living with that. Learning from it.Becoming someone who wouldn't make that mistake. And yesterday, when Morrison & Klein offered me everything I used to want, I knew exactly what to do. Because the only thing I want is standing right in front of me."
My breath caught.
"I love you," David said. The words were quiet but certain. "I know I don't have the right to say it. I know I destroyed any claim I had to you. But it's true. I love who you are. I love who you've become. I'm in awe of you every single day. And if all I ever get is to admire you from a distance while we work cases together… that's enough. Because you're enough. You've always been enough."
I was shaking. "I'm terrified."
