Page 76 of Waiting to Lose
JAKE SAT WITH his head down, as his fingers massaged his temples and a yawn escaped his lips. He was tired, beaten down and restless. He understood exactly why Madi was hurt. The pictures made him look like a lying, cheating bastard. But he wasn’t. Somehow, while he slept, everyone began to doubt him. As if the last twenty-eight years meant nothing. Everyone seemed to forget who he was and what he was capable of. He may have been selfish, and even stupid at times, but he wasn’t ruthless. He’d never do anything to purposely destroy another human being; especially not one that meant more than every other one combined.
He lifted his hood around his head when a girl walked past and stared at him. Sitting in the hall of an all-girls dormitory was sure to get him recognized at some point. As he said the words in his head, he removed the hood. He didn’t care anymore. Let them know where he was. He wanted to shout to anyone who’d listen why he was in Chicago and how he felt about the girl locked tight behind a door.
Rob had left to use the restroom and Jake was happy for the moment alone to gather his thoughts. Just as he leaned forward and reached for his phone in his back pocket, Madi’s door cracked open. He was afraid to hope, but hope was all he had left.
Kendra eased toward him and Jake resisted the urge to stand. His body ached and his heart was just too heavy to move.
“There are some rules,” Kendra said.
For the first time in hours, Jake took a breath. He nodded. It was all he could do.
“Don’t touch her,” Kendra said as she started counting on her fingers.
Jake hated the rules already.
“Don’t lie.”
Jake huffed. Why would he lie?
Kendra paused to think before repeating, “Don’t touch her.”
He sighed as he crossed his arms.
“And don’t be an ass.”
Jake leaned forward and pulled himself to stand, slowly inching to her room. It seemed further away than he remembered.
He felt Kendra pull his arm. He almost swore as he scrubbed his hand over his face.
“Don’t hurt her more,” she pleaded.
The tension fell from his shoulders as he looked her in the eye. “I never wanted to hurt her in the first place.”
Kendra nodded as she released her grip and took his place in the chair in the hall. As he glanced back to her, he hoped he’d never have to sit there again.
He lifted his hand to the door, not sure if he should knock or just go inside.
Madi pulled it open and Jake instantaneously had to recite the rules to himself.
Her eyes were swollen. Her lips were puffy and her nose was red, yet she was still the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen. She took a deep breath and backed away from the door as he stepped inside, closing it behind him. He took in her room. It was different from how he’d imagined it when he pictured her lying in her bed. The room was rather small. She had a twin bed draped in a pink comforter to the right, near a window, and a small lamp on top of crates housed her books. Her desk was to the left, in front of the other window. He pictured her sitting there, looking at the pictures on her laptop, and his chest ached.
He had to put his hands in his pockets to keep himself from reaching out to touch her face. “Kendra said I’m not allowed to touch you.”
Madi shook her head as her eyes fell to the floor. He could see that it pained her to even look at him.
“How are you?” he asked, taking a step forward as she took a step back.
“How do youthinkI am?” she asked without raising her eyes. She crossed her arms defensively over her chest, placing an X over the heart that had belonged to him just a few hours before.
“May I sit down?” he asked, pointing to the chair. He knew asking to sit on her bed would result in her discomfort.
“You’re not going to be in here long enough to sit. I don’t see the point,” she sputtered, her face still plastered to the floor.
Jake sat down anyway. He wasn’t going to leave until they’d worked things out.
“Just say you’re sorry and go,” she said, her voice quivering as she cleared her throat.
“I am sorry, but I’m not going anywhere. My reasons for being sorry are probably far different from what you’re expecting.”
