Page 77 of Waiting to Lose
“I changed my mind. I can’t do this. I need you to go.” Madi took a step toward the door and Jake hurled himself forward to stop her, breaking rule number one.
He pulled her arm toward him, and she unwillingly lunged forward, into his chest. He attempted to encase her against him, but she pushed away violently.
“Don’t!”
Jake jerked back with his hands in the air.
“Madi, please. Let me tell you what happened.”
For the first time since he’d been in the room, her eyes met his eyes. “I know what happened. I’m fully aware of what happened.” She took a step forward in fury as her eyes blazed and her teeth clenched. “I saw them. Every single one of them,” she exclaimed, pushing on his chest. “Now I know why you’re so tired on tour. It must be exhausting leading one girl on while you fuck the other for a camera!”
“I didn’t fuck her, Madi!”
Madi’s arms rose up to form a V around her head. “Oh, excuse me… That’s right. You madelovetoher.I’mthe one youfucked,and fucked over!”
Jake’s eyes rolled back into his head as he fell into the chair behind him.
“I never had sex with her. And for the record, you are, beyond a doubt in my mind, the only girl I’ve ever truly made love to. I love you, Madi.”
It was Madi’s turn to roll her eyes.
“I do. Look at me. Look. At. Me!”
He broke rule number one and three as he lunged forward to turn her to him. Once again, she pulled away in protest.
“Love? Is that what you call this?” she asked as she pointed back and forth between them. “Do you know what I call this? I call itnothing. Because that’s what it is. It’s what it’s always been. You never wanted me. I had to beg you to give us a chance. It was only a matter of time until I found out what a fucking bastard you are. You cheating, lying, manipulating bastard! You lied to me time after time, and each time I believed you, like the stupid fool I am. Tessa was right! You’re a selfish waste of time. Are you waiting for me to drive off inmycar now, so you can get rid of me too?”
Jake felt like the air had been sucked from his lungs. He staggered back as his eyes bulged and his mouth gaped.
Madi immediately gasped as her words registered in her head. She gripped the material on his arm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that. Oh, God!” Her hands went to her eyes and she took short, shallow breaths, attempting to hold back her emotions. “I just want you to hurt, too. I want you to feel what I feel.”
As he swallowed hard, he realized she was only using the words as a weapon. It’s wasn’t what she felt. She didn’t hate him. She loved him, and her love for him, even while she thought he’d lied and cheated, was tearing her apart more than the cheating itself.
“I know.” He resisted the urge to comfort her. “I do feel what you feel, because I know how I would have felt if those pictures had been of you. But, Mads, it may have been my body, butIwasn’t there.”
Madi pulled her arms back across her body. “What’s that supposed to mean? That it was just sex?”
“I didn’t have sex with her. I don’t think I did. Please sit down and hear me out. If you’ve ever believed in me—in us—just give me a chance. Hear what I need you to hear.”
Madi stared at him before her eyes fell. That pull was there. He wanted to kiss her. To show her with his lips how much he adored her, and make her feel his love and need for her and her alone. He licked his lips and she took a step back, resting on the bed. Jake stood and edged closer, thinking he’d sit next to her.
She raised her finger. “No! Chair…”
Jake’s lips curled briefly. He knew she felt it too. If he sat too close, she wouldn’t be able to resist him. No matter how far apart they were, whether they were in the same room or anywhere on the same planet, they would always be connected.
As he sat in the chair, he pulled off his glasses and rubbed his eyes. He felt her eyes on him, but as he lifted his gaze, she turned away, so as not to be caught. Jake explained what had happened from the moment he spoke to her, through his interview, the concert, needing a drink and feeling sick. He explained how he couldn’t lift his eyes and how he could feel his clothing being removed. How he’d heard voices—Caleb first, then a woman—but passed out, not remembering a thing. He explained what Caleb had told him, not wanting to leave any details out, and how Rob had thought he’d been given a date-rape drug. He explained that he had a blood test, and that he’d soon have physical proof that he’d been drugged. As he spoke, Madi stared at the floor. She hugged herself tightly but never made eye contact with him.
“Please tell me you believe me. I swear to God, on my life, my career and my soul, that I didn’t participate in those pictures. I couldn’t have, because there was and is no way I would ever risk what you and I have. You make me feel whole. If I lost you, I don’t know what I’d do. Please tell me I haven’t lost you.”
Madi took a breath and closed her eyes. He could tell she was wavering.
He knelt down next to her and she gasped as her eyes flicked open. “Think about who I am. Remember all the things I’ve told you. All the times you could feel my love. I know what the pictures look like. I know they make me look like I was cheating, but I swear to you I don’t remember a thing. My eyes are closed in every one of them. Do you know why? Because I was unconscious.” He swallowed hard. “I know it looks like we’re kissing, butI’mnot kissing her.She’skissing me. I’m not touchingher. I’d never touch her willingly. She’s not who I want. She’s nothing to me.”
Jake could see the quiver in her lips as she tried to steady herself. He stared at her intently, waiting, hoping she’d fly into his arms.
Instead, she lifted her hand, pulled back, and slapped him across the face.
“Lies! Everything out of your mouth is a lie! Why would you do this? Why are you trying to string me along? Do you want us both? Is that it? Because you can’t have me anymore. I’m no longer falling for your games and your words and your false promises of truth.”
