Page 40 of Book Boyfriend
“I want to make your dreams come true. I want you to have it all.”
“What if I don’t know what I want? What if I write what I think women want, but what we really want . . . what we need . . . is simply to be looked at the way you’re looking at me right now?”
“Then that would be really easy.”
“Will you promise me no more surprises? No more of this Penn stuff?”
He grits his teeth and hisses through them. “I’ll agree on one condition. We stopafterthe next chapter.”
As he presses his lips to mine. I mentally race through the chapters of my book. I gasp when I realize what comes next and he smiles. Oh hell no.
It’s a quiet drive back to my apartment. We stayed at the bar through wings and at least ten more karaoke songs. I think I ate slower than I ever have before. I tried to make the night last longer, but we had to leave eventually. Now that we’re almost back to my place, I’m starting to have a slight panic attack.
What am I going to do? He had to have been joking, right? I mean, he can’t actually want me to re-enact this chapter for him, can he?
We have been undressing each other on the phone for a week now, but just because Kasey had the confidence to let Penn watch her masturbate doesn’t mean I can do it. Is that what he wants? He’s almost exactly followed the book up until this point, and in a way, I guess he deserves this chapter for his effort. I could throw him a bone and give him the one scene he wants. But being naked while he watches from the door? I’m afraid I’d make a fool out of myself.
How did this work again? Kasey poured Penn a glass of wine and ended up spilling it all over her dress. She excused herself to change and Penn followed her to the bedroom. He watched her undress. She realized he was standing in the doorway and decided to give him a show. Oh fuck! Why did I have to write that chapter?
Fisher pulls the car alongside my apartment building. Is he going to park the car? What is he doing?
“This has gone on long enough. You have to know I was joking. I would never, ever ask that of you.”
I nod, but I can’t look at him. I’m too embarrassed. I’m not afraid to talk about sex. I’ve sat on panels at conferences and discussed sex scenes at great length. I’m not a prude. But somehow, talking about it in front of a bunch of women is really different than talking about it with one very attractive man.
“Greer, please look at me.”
I swing my head to face him. It might have looked effortless, but turning my head was as difficult as prying a piece of wood from a vice.
“What I said to you was crude and disrespectful.” He places his hand over his heart. “Please accept my apology. I thought you’d know I was kidding, but you’ve grown more and more distant ever since I opened my stupid mouth. I don’t want you to ever feel weird around me.”
“It’s just . . . well, I write a lot of stuff. I have a very vivid imagination. But I’m afraid my actual experience doesn’t measure up to any of my characters.”
“I think I finally understand how I’ve been making you feel. All this time you’ve been asking me to stop trying to be like Penn and I didn’t listen because in my mind, I thought I was doing exactly what you wanted. But now . . . now that I even hinted at you being like Kasey, I want to take back every uncomfortable thing I’ve ever done or said. I’m truly sorry.”
He’s so incredibly sincere. I can tell he feels awful. I don’t want him to feel bad. I just don’t know how to explain my fear of letting him down.
“Can we please forget I said anything? Go inside, crawl into bed, and focus on me not being a jerk. I’ll text you when I get home.”
“You want to go?” I ask, suddenly sad the night could be coming to an end.
He turns his body in the seat to face me more directly. “Don’t you want me to go?”
“Why would I want you to leave? It’s only eleven. Unless you have to get up early for work tomorrow?”
“I don’t have to be in until noon. Are you sure?”
“Sure I want you to come in and watch TV? Yes, I’m sure.”
He smiles brightly. “Did I mention how much I love watching TV?”
“I have a really nice setup. You should park the car and come see it.”
He seems relieved. Maybe he was just as nervous as I was. Nah. Look at him.
“Go inside. I’ll park the car and be up in a few minutes.”
I shut his car door and take the elevator to my floor. I start to text Luna. She’ll know what to do. I type, “I need your help. It’s an emergency,” before I decide not to send it. I know what she’s going to say.You made the hottest man in the world watch TV instead of letting him watch you undress? What the fuck is wrong with you? You’ve been talking about taking his clothes off all week and now when he’s in front of you, you’re going to chicken out?
