Page 69 of Enough
I laugh and bite my lip.
“Go, Ev. You need to hear what he has to say,” Gwen replies.
They both nod their heads, and before I can respond, Grandma Kay opens the car door. “Who wants to sleep over at my house tonight?”
“Me!”
“Me too!”
I glance over my shoulder as Nick continues to talk to parents and their kids.It’s just Nick, I tell myself. I can do this. I lift my phone and type one word.
Everly:Yes.
GRANDMA KAY IMMEDIATELY begins to pack up the kids when we get home. I promise I’ll come get them first thing in the morning. She seems tired, and I feel terrible for taking advantage of her.
I grab my phone in my hand as I say, “Gram, I think you’ve done way too much lately. You deserve a break. I’m going to reschedule with Nick for another evening.”
She pulls it away from me. “Like hell you are.”
I sigh heavily.
“How long are you going to do this to yourself?” she asks with her hands on her hips.
“Do what?”
“Question your worth.”
I take a step back. “That’s not what I’m doing at all. I’m just worried about you.”
She places her hands on her hips, and her eyes press into tiny slits. It wasn’t the answer she was waiting for. I flail my arms and roll my eyes. “I’m just being cautious. There’s a reason I broke up with him. I thought he was cheating on me.”
“Is that the story you’re still telling yourself?”
“What?” My body stiffens at the remark. I thought she ofall people would understand.
“You know I don’t like to butt into other people’s business unless I think they’re making a mistake, and it’s high time I open up my mouth and tell you what I think about yours.”
I feel a sudden pang of fear and I don’t know why.
“That boy adored you, Ev. It was obvious to everyone except you. That last Christmas before you broke up with him, your mom and I had a little talk about you two. I don’t know if you realize it or not, but you pushed him away.”
“I did not!”
“You did too. For some reason you started questioning whether or not you deserved him. Don’t you remember?”
“What I do remember is him pushing me for sex and my not being ready. I also remember having this feeling he was cheating on me!”
Kay shakes her head. “I don’t think for a second that he ever would have, and I trust my instincts. He never even so much as glanced at another woman. When you were with him, his eyes were glued to you. He loved you. My gut tells me he still does.”
I feel the air being sucked from my lungs.
“You’ve come a long way and I’m proud of you, but you have always had a tendency to run from what you truly deserve and fly toward what’s going to hurt you. You ran from Nick. Mike was never very good to you, and for some reason, you wanted him even more for it. You’ve always run to things that you think need to be fixed.”
“That’s… that’s not true.” I stop and consider her words. Could she be right? My gut repeatedly told me to run, and I ignored it every time.
“You deserve to be happy and you deserve to be someone’s everything. Not their second or third thing, but theireverything. Do you believe that?”
“Yes,” I state with confidence then turn away and feel a gnawing uncertainty in my stomach.
