Page 99 of Enough
“I did?”
“God, Ever.” His head falls back. “You really had no idea just how much I loved you, did you?”
I stand and move to the side of the bed next to him. I lift my hand to his stubbled cheek and he closes his eyes.
“You want to know why I never got married?” His eyes flutter open and he gazes at me as if he’s about to tell me the best-kept secret of his life.
I nod and feel my body tense for a possible blow.
“Because all these years, I’ve been subconsciously trying to fill a space in my heart. And as many times as I tried—and believe me, I tried—no one was everyou. That place has always belonged to you, and it always will.”
I freeze. I replay his words in my head and try to decide if I heard them correctly.
“Do you know why I accepted my first job with Macer, Martin and Fisher? Because I knew their corporate office was in the town where you lived. I thought if fate wanted us together that somehow, someway, it would happen. When I moved here three years ago, I thought it was because I was meant to be with you. I looked for you everywhere I went, and when I didn’t just run into you, I Googled you. When I saw you were married?” He stands and starts to pace with his hands on his head. “It almost destroyed me. The thought of you with another man… and happy with another man, hurt like a motherfucker. But all I wanted was for you to have what you needed, and I came to the conclusion that it would never be me.”
I shake my head and leap toward him. I want him to know that it is him. That I made a mistake and that I want him more than I want my next breath, but I can’t seem to find the words.
“Last week, my office asked me to move to Atlanta for a year to head up a new firm.”
I gasp. “No!” I manage. I can’t lose him. I have to find a way to tell him.
“I told them I couldn’t go. I said no.” His eyes strain to focus on mine, and I wonder if he can see the relief I feel at his words.
“I told them I wouldn’t leave because my life was here and I wasn’t going to let her slip away from me again.”
I ponder his words and they melt my frozen heart. “You’re really not going?” I question in a panic. “You’ll stay?”
He pulls my body into his, and I tremble in his arms. There’s so much I need to say to him. He lifts my fallen head by my chin and his eyes blaze.
“I never stopped loving you, Ever. And now that I’ve had the chance to be near you again and can feel that empty space being filled up with everything that is you… I know, now more than ever, that I always will.”
His words are magical. For the first time in my life, I’m sure of someone besides myself. I’m sure that Nick Rowen was and still is the love of my life. The space between us is too much, and I grab his shirt in my hands and pull his lips to mine.
It’s forceful and passionate. My kiss is filled with all the things I so desperately need and want to say to him. His hands grasp the side of my head as our mouths mold together. I needhim to know just how much he means to me. As he kisses me, I’m reminded of how much I want him. How much I’ve always wanted him.
I reach down and pull his shirt from his waist. He moans into my mouth as his tongue slides against mine. I push his shirt off his broad shoulders, and he yanks his t-shirt from his pants and over his head so my hands can rest on his bare chest. I move my hands over him, touching his chest then his abs. My hands can’t move fast enough, and I want more of him. I need him.
My hands drop to his waist, and as he continues to kiss me fervently, I unfasten his belt and unzip his pants. He groans into me as his hands grab my hips and push my body into his.
“Do you know how badly I want you? How much I need you?” he asks.
“I want you too, Nick. I can’t wait another day or even another minute. I need to know how it feels to have you inside me. I’ve always wondered what it would have been like to make love to you. I don’t want to wonder anymore. I want to know.”
His hand cups my ass and jerks me forward into him as if there is still a space between us where our skin needs to be pressed more completely together. “Are you sure? Because I would wait for you. I’d wait forever.”
I pluck my lips from his and stare into his panting, wanting eyes. To know that someone wants you as much as you want them is the most amazing feeling in the world. “You’ve waited fifteen years. I think we’ve both waited long enough.”
His lips are back on mine. His arms are bent at the elbows in between us as he holds my head in his hands. He softly licks my lips and recoils to examine my face. His breathing isragged and my heart is pounding. He turns me so my back is against his chest. He pushes my hair away from my neck to expose by bare arm and shoulder. His mouth dances on my skin and his hot breath sends shivers down my spine. The need for his touch overwhelms me. I let myself care. I let myself love him and everything he’s always meant to me.
I lift my arm over my shoulder and wrap it around his neck. I push my fingers into his hair and gently pull at the base. His fingers glide along the material on my stomach, and he squeezes through my dress as his mouth tenderly sucks and kisses the skin of my bare shoulder. His hand explores upward until his fingers reach my chest. Gently, he caresses my breast in his hand and moans.
He savors the skin on my collar and begins to unzip my dress. I’m filled with want, need, and sudden anxiety. The lights are on and it’s bright. He’s going to see every single one of my flaws, and I’m scared he’ll be disappointed. I still want him, but I turn abruptly to stop him.
He raises his eyes to mine in concern, and I quickly hurry to the entryway. He laughs when I turn out the light and close the bathroom door just enough to still cast a glow in the room.
“Did you think I was going to make a run for it?” I ask him playfully.
“I’ll admit it crossed my mind.”
