Page 118 of Faith
“I’ll be right back,” Dawn said, walking to the desk.
“We haven’t heard anything,” Frannie said. “They took him back to surgery as soon as we got here.”
“Fuck,” Monty breathed, rocking back on his heels and pinching the bridge of his nose. “He can’t die. He fucking can’t.”
“The doctors are going to do everything possible,” Stacey said.
Monty nodded, but he didn’t take his hand away from his face.
Nina leaned her head on Monty’s good shoulder.
“I’m going to check out your arm right here,” Dawn said, joining the group again. “Since basically everyone here is for Zeke, I asked them to give me a stitch kit.”
“Do you know what you’re doing?” Monty asked.
“I’m a nurse. I worked in a nursing home, but I can stitch up a stubborn man’s arm.” Dawn pursed her lips at Monty and raised one eyebrow.
Monty breathed and nodded, moving to the side of the waiting room where Dawn directed him.
Nina hovered nearby, not willing to go far from her brother. They both loved Zeke, and losing him would destroy Monty as much as it would destroy Nina.
Dawn spoke softly to Monty while she worked. First an injection that made him wince, then a minute of waiting while she poked around and looked at the wound.
It wasn’t bad, like he said, but Nina was happy he was letting Dawn take care of it. His face was already bruising, but bruises would heal.
Dawn stitched Monty’s arm up quickly, giving him eight stitches before she gently pressed a bandage over the wound and said he was good.
Monty sat in a chair and rested his head against the wall. The Rose Protection Agency team surrounded Monty, keeping his spirits up and making him laugh with stories about Zeke.
Nina walked away, unable to think about all the time she missed and all the things they would never do if he didn’t make it. She found herself in front of a vending machine, staring at the options without seeing any of them.
“Anything look good?” Frannie asked.
Nina jumped, smiling at Frannie and shaking her head. “I keep seeing her.”
“Gwennie? Gwendolyn?”
Nina nodded. “She was so happy when I shot her. Am I like her?”
“No,” Frannie turned Nina to face her, hands on both shoulders. “You are nothing like her. I know I don’t know you well, but I know that. You are kind, Nina. You care about people. You were willing to sacrifice yourself for your brother and Zeke. Your first instinct when you heard some of the women were out was to go see them. She would never have done any of that.”
“They were afraid of me. They said I was just like her, too.”
“We do whatever we have to do to survive. Sometimes those things don’t make sense to anyone else. Sometimes they don’t even make sense to us. Everything that happened when you were with her was survival.”
“I still killed her.”
“And the fact that you’re worried that you’re a bad person tells me you’re not. She never questioned it. She would kill without remorse. Good people do bad things and regret them. Bad people do bad things and then do more.”
Nina inhaled a sharp breath and nodded.
“You have to forgive yourself for all of it, Nina. It’s not easy, but the only one you have to forgive is yourself. I know you cared about her. I know what you went through today couldn’t have been easy. But I also know you had no choice. Stacey can help with therapy, if you want, or we can help you find someone else, but you need to forgive yourself. And know you are nothing like her.”
“Thank you, Frannie.”
Frannie nodded. She slid two dollars into the machine and punched a few buttons, waiting as two candy bars dropped to the bottom. She offered one to Nina.
Nina smiled and took it, letting Frannie lead her back to the waiting room.
