Page 25 of Like the Season
Chapter Eight
Following breakfast, and after Boyd stopped at a grocery store to pick up flowers, Ella directed him to head west. The cemetery lay not far off a main highway, nestled in a mixed area of farmland, nature parks, and pastures.
From the way she easily picked her path without hesitation, he knew she hadn’t been lying about how frequently she visited. When they reached Helen’s headstone, the wilted flowers tucked into the built-in vase there looked only a couple of days old.
After settling on the ground in front of the headstone, Ella kissed her fingertips and stroked Helen’s name. “Hey, Mom. Look who I brought with me. I told you I found Dad.”
She removed the old flowers and let Boyd unwrap and position the fresh ones. Then she emptied a bottle of water she’d also brought into the vase and wrapped the old flowers in the wrapping.
Boyd sat next to Ella, his arm around her shoulders and relishing the feel of her leaning against him. It was finally…real.
The logical part of his brain had accepted that Helen was dead, but there was no denying the cold granite with her name and the dates of her birth and death chiseled into it, along with something else.
Helen Lily Stinton - Loving Mother
She sniffled. “I sat here after everyone else left. Papa Tom tried to get me to leave and I couldn’t. I wanted to wait until after she was buried. I wanted to be alone. I needed to be…angry.”
“Not at her.”
“No. I know they say sometimes kids get angry at parents who die, but that wasn’t me no matter what the high school guidance counselor wanted to think. I was mad at the world, but not at Mom.”
He wasn’t sure what to say, so he kept quiet.
“Sometimes I’d come out here and wonder what it would have been like with you around. I’d get mad at you for not being here. I’d get mad at her parents for kicking her out. I’d hate the goddamned logging company for their driver being exhausted and making him drive one more load on sloppy roads, when he should have been in the hospital for the chest pains he’d been complaining about earlier.”
“Chest pains?”
“That’s why he jackknifed. He showed up at work with chest pains and when he talked about maybe going to the doctor, his supervisor told him if he didn’t drive that load, he’d fire him. So he drove it, his intention being to make it to the other end and then have them call him an ambulance. The chest pains got worse, and he was trying to pull over so he could call 911, but he misjudged where he was because of the fog. When he braked hard on the icy road, he skidded, and his cab caught the guardrail and he jackknifed.”
“Did he die, too?”
“No, he survived. Barely. But he was damn sure willing to testify against the logging company. Another reason they were willing to settle fast and pay out even faster.”
“Jesus.”
“I was in school when it happened. Papa Tom actually came to tell me himself. The Highway Patrol showed up at the restaurant when they didn’t find anyone at the apartment. I guess she had a paycheck in her purse, plus she was wearing a shirt with the restaurant’s logo, because she was on her way there to work a shift, so they did the math. It was almost the end of the school day, and he and the principal showed up in my class and I…”
She needed a moment, reaching over to stroke the letters on the stone again. “Iknew. I knew it was bad. Papa Tom was still wearing his work clothes, like you saw today, and I didn’t even ask what was going on. I just grabbed my stuff and practically ran out of there and to Papa Tom, and…”
She wiped at her face. “I missed a week of school. Because of the circumstances, my teachers worked with me on getting work made up. Papa Tom’s attorney sat down with me and went through all her finances, which wasn’t much. She had no savings, was living paycheck-to-paycheck just about.
“They worked together and taught me how to manage money and pay bills. Crash course. But at least once the insurance company and the logging company paid out, I didn’t have to worry how I was going to afford college. I still focused on keeping my grades up and applying for scholarships, though. I didn’t want to risk it. I figured if I could earn a scholarship, that was more money in savings.
“I sat here one afternoon and swore to her I wouldn’t be stupid. That I’d work my ass off and make her proud.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “Now look at me.”
Boyd kissed the top of her head. “You’re not stupid. Stop saying that. Just like she wasn’t stupid when she asked me to…” He knew that was a dumb thing to say. “Things happen despite our best intentions. Just like the seasons turn and change, so do we. We do smart things, we do not-smart things, and sometimes we do both of those things thinking they’re the opposite of what they really turn out to be. And we go through periods of both, no matter what our best intentions.”
“I wanted to make Mom proud of me.”
“Who says you haven’t or aren’t?”
“Who’s going to come put flowers on her grave and remember her?” she tearfully asked.
He turned so he could wrap both his arms around her. “We’regoing to remember her. Always. She’s not here anymore. Either she’s in Heaven or she’s reborn or she’s part of the cosmic energy, or whatever you believe. But she’s nothere. I have to think she’d want you to be with the man who wants to be your father, and who loves you and wants to be a part of your life and his grandbaby’s life.”
She sobbed, clutching at him, the sound shredding his soul as he held her, rocked her, tried to soothe the pain he knew would forever lay wedged deep inside her psyche. And as clouds blew across the sun, a cool breeze shifted into place, reminding him of how quickly life could change, even faster than the seasons.
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