Page 12 of Follow Me
“Eh, no. He was a priest—”
“What? Are youshittingme?”
“Now,listento me, dammit! He’s got a psychology doctorate an’ twenty years’ practical experience. His main focus now is addiction recovery, but he’s also had training in various specialties, including eating disorders. He’s counseled people with eating disorders, in the past. He brings a different focus to this.”
“Neither of us are religious.”
“I know, I know. An’ he’s not a priest anymore, although he’s working toward ordination in the Unitarian Church. He’s not gonna try to convert her or anythin’, that’s not what this is about. He’s had real-world experience counseling a wide variety of people. Very calm kind of chap. Very…Zen.
“The three of us, working in tandem with her, an’ bein’ that we’re all in the lifestyle, I wouldn’t be agreein’ to this if I didn’t think we can help her. Doug is a submissive, so he’s got that end of the spectrum covered. All three of usareexperienced practitioners of CBT. Eh, cognitive behavior therapy, not the other kind. An’ CBThasproven effective with eating disorders.”
“They use CBT at the treatment facility in Tampa, and—”
“She’s got vanilla health professionals up there. Maybe they’re kink-friendly, but let’s face it—maybe it’s time to let two determined Doms an’ a damned smart sub take a whack at it, eh?”
When Kel didn’t respond, Niall pushed on. “Plus we’ve got a nutritionist in the clinic who’s agreed to work with her about her diet plan. She’s already had a phone conversation with Mal’s dietician in Tampa an’ received a copy of her file. We’ve got a psychiatrist on staff who will take over supervisin’ her medications, so we can stay on top of that in case we need to make any changes. An’ no one’s tried hypnotherapy on Mal in all this time. I can try that. I do that clinically, not just as a neat party trick. The three of us have put our heads together, an’ we’re gonna try a multi-pronged approach to this. We already have a treatment plan in place.”
Desperation tied painful knots in Kel’s guts. “Sheneedsto be inpatient, Niall,” he pleaded with him. “They can keep an eye on her.”
“How many times, then, aye?” he quietly asked. “What’s this, the third, fourth, fifth time? Ye keep her locked up fer the rest of her life, or until she kills herself because she’s so feckin’ depressed she doesn’thavea life anymore?”
Kel swallowed his simmering rage, because…yeah.
He’d had that exact fear himself.
“An’ before ye go off wantin’ to kill us,” Niall continued, “we’ve set a hard limit of one month with Mal. If at the end of one month the three of us have reached a consensus that she’s not makin’ progress, she’ll willingly go back inpatient. This will be a month-to-month process with us, an’ she has to earn every month after this first one. The fact thatsheaskedusabout this, that she took this step to approach us an’ talk to us, it’s a good sign. She’s taking control, an’ she needs to if she’s gonna beat this.”
“She didn’t tell me any of that.” Kel was no longer sure if his anger was at Niall, or at Mal for not telling him any of those details.
“Then she likely didn’t tell ye that we also told her if we feel she’s lapsin’ before then, or is in danger, that we’ll force her back to in-patient immediately. That we’ll Baker Act her, if need be, to protect her.”
“No, she didn’t.” He slumped onto the sofa. “She just asked me to stay at the apartment for a month.”
“That wasn’t our idea, either,” Niall told him. “In fact, I told her I’d prefer she let ye stay at home, with her.”
“Then why is she doing this? What about UCAN and FBT, huh? What about involving families and partners? I’ve read the research, Niall. I’ve had plenty of time.”
Niall’s voice gentled. “Because she’s scared. For a lot of reasons.”
“She isn’t the only one.”
Niall sighed. “I’ve already got a call in to Dr. Abrahms in Tampa,” Niall told him. “I’m goin’ to set up a conference call for the three of us with her to get fully up-to-speed with her end. We already have Mal’s case file. Ipromiseye, if we feel Mal’s in danger, we’ll tell ye immediately an’ get her readmitted there. But none of the three of us can disagree with her logic here. It’s not like she doesn’t understand she’s in danger. She does.
“Keep in mind it doesn’t matter how renowned a treatment facility is. Not every treatment works for every person. There’s no magic bullet, whether it’s addiction, or OCD, or eating disorders. She’s got a lot of old baggage from her childhood, an’ that’s not breakin’ her trust to tell ye what ye already know.
“The only way treatment will work is if the person goin’ through it feels it’ll help, an’ she’s hit the point she feels the center has reached its limit in what it can do for her. So if they tried a month or a year, it likely wouldn’t help her anymore an’ would only end up frustratin’ both of ye with her lack of progress. That means yeneedto let her try this.”
Kel felt his tears start again. “I can’t lose her, Niall. She’s the love of my life, and I’m scared I’m going to be burying her, and that’s going to kill me.”
“I know,” he gently said, sounding somber. “An’ that’s somethin’ she knows, too. An’ it’s a guilt I’m sure she’s holdin’ on to. But when somethin’ isn’t workin’, it’s sheer insanity to keep beatin’ yer head against a wall an’ hopin’ it turns out different. I promise ye, we’re going to try to get her to let us at least talk to ye to keep ye updated. Butonlyshe can do this work. Maybe it’s time ye talk to someone, yerself. She said ye’ve neglected yer own self-care.”
Kel fought the urge to put his fist through something—preferably Niall. “Who am I supposed to talk to?”
“Well, one of us, fer starters.”
“Isn’t that a conflict of interest?” Kel asked.
“Normally, I’d say yes, except these are…extenuatin’ circumstances. She already told us she wouldn’t mind us workin’ with ye on yer own issues, as long as we maintain a level of confidentiality where she’s asked it of us.”
