Page 14 of Follow Me
Chapter Four
Kel was barely out of the driveway before Mal started working through herto-dolist on her phone. Calling Niall was first on the list, and she’d finished that task already.
Arranging an Uber to take her to their facility for her appointment late that afternoon was second, and she did that. Technically her appointment today would be with Doug, but Niall and Doyle would both be there, as well. Then Doug would drive her home after, because he was actually staying at work late for this.
Kel had taken his truck and left her car for her. She hadn’t driven in…well, months. Yes, that was one of the things she knew she’d need to get used to doing again, but despite what Kel thought, it wasn’t that she was too weak to drive. She needed to rebuild her confidence, and rush-hour in Sarasota traffic during snowbird season wasn’t the best time to make her first attempt at it.
She suspected there were a lot of things he thought she was too weak to do on her own, and she truly didn’t begrudge him that. She’d given him no reason to think otherwise, had allowed him to step into control in so many ways, so many unhealthy ways, that of course he only saw her weakness now.
Third item on her list was to create a group text thread with the three men, to their personal phones, and send them a message.
This is item 3. Items 2 and 1 also finished.
Her finger hovered over the send button. They had made one unbreakable term when agreeing to take her on as a client—that once she agreed to do this, shehadto follow their rules.
That they wouldn’t do anything to cross any relationship boundaries of their own, or with her, but they would be trying an…unorthodox approach to her treatment.
If she failed to follow through on any of their orders without safewording or without a damned good reason, or if she was anything other than one-hundred-percent honest with them, they would immediately terminate her as a client and one of them would drive her back to Tampa and admit her.
And that they would relax certain rules depending on her progress.
There were no other options.
After taking a deep breath, she hitsend.
Within ten minutes, all three men had responded that they’d received her text, and she blinked back tears at theirGood girlresponses.
Yes, there was irony that she was agreeing to this particular path, but she was desperate.
She needed a hard reset across the board, which was why she’d asked Kel to stay at the apartment temporarily.
She needed to find her footing without worrying about him feeling even worse about all of this, or like he’d failed her because of what she was attempting now.
And he needed time to focus on himself, even if he didn’t see that.
But…
That also wasn’therconcern, or so Niall had told her last night when she’d confirmed with him that today wastheday.
The three of them—Niall, Doyle, and Doug—were in agreement they suspected part of the problem was the two of them were so focused on what the other was going through that neither of them had truly dug into their own souls to confront the truth. Which was why she kept relapsing, because despite their hearts being in the right place, they were unintentionally doing unhealthy things to each other, perpetuating unhealthy coping mechanisms in the name of love.
They could only work on themselves to find healing. Once that path was smooth and sure,thenthey could repair them as a couple.
That was why she’d uncollared herself, despite it feeling like she was ripping part of her soul out of her body.
Because the men were absolutely right—she couldn’t focus onherwhen she was Kel’s slave and worried about him and what her anorexia was doing to him. And she knew despite Kel’s heart being one-hundred-percent in the right place, he would never be as hard on her or demand the same level of accountability from her as Niall, Doyle, and Doug would as her counselors, friends, and as Doms.
Another analogy Doyle had shared with her from the point of view of a mental health professional and as a recovering alcoholic with twenty years of sobriety under his belt—she couldn’t throw Kel a lifejacket when she was already too busy drowning, and vice versa.
That once she could safely tread water on her own, then she could think about giving up the lifejacket to him—if he’d even take it.
Again, something she had no control over.
Another point all three men were in agreement on, that she’d spent the past eighteen months worried about trying to control every aspect of her life in unhealthy ways and which ran contrary to her desired outcome.
That she’d never learned how to process and accept in healthy waysnotbeing in control of certain aspects of her life, and that had led to her trying to maintain an unhealthy death grip on all aspects of her life…
Meaning she had no control over anything and now doubted herself in everything.
