Page 51 of Follow Me
Relief and mild disappointment swirled through him. “That’s okay, sweetie. Did you have fun?”
“Oh, my god! I had the best timeever! It was so cool…”
He settled back in his chair, eyes closed, and pictured her as she told him about her afternoon.
For the first time in a long time, she sounded genuinely excited and enthusiastic in a way that warmed his heart and gave rise to more hope.
This was definitelyhisMal.
He also sensed he wouldn’t be asked to come home tonight despite their breakthrough that morning.
In a way, maybe that was for the best. He was still processing everything.
Doug was going to stay late tomorrow to talk with him, and Niall would hopefully join them.
Tonight, he knew he needed to finish reading one of the books they’d assigned to him. He was ashamed to see himself in the pages, proving the men had been right—yet again—about how he’d neglected himself and his own needs and recovery in his attempt to focus on Mal in an unhealthy way.
Once she paused, he knew even before she said it what she was going to say. “I think I need tonight alone to process today,” she said.
“It’s okay, sweetheart. I’m good with that. The guys gave me homework of my own I need to work on. I’m really glad we had this morning, though.”
She paused again. “You’re not going to break me, Sir,” she said. “Not if you let go and trust me.”
“Can you be patient with me while I work my way through this?”
“I love you, Sir. Just follow me. I’ve already cut a path through the jungle. I’ll be waiting for you there when you catch up.”
He smiled. “My brave girl.”
He could almost read her face in the pauses, knew she was likely biting her lower lip. “I still want to hold to the four weeks.”
The disappointment wasn’t unexpected, but he reined it in and tamped it down. “I know. It’s okay, sweetheart. That’s only two more weeks. And if you need more time after that, I’ll give it to you. Whatever you need.”
In some ways, she was so familiar. But new Mal appeared, sounding determined. “Ineedto know you’re working on yourself and not just focused on me.Beforethe next step happens. It won’t be overnight, and we’re not perfect. There will be bumps and potholes. But the only way this keeps working is ifIam the one in control of my recovery.”
He swallowed hard. “Letting go of control is hard for me, baby. You know that. I’m trying.”
“I know you are, and I love you so much for it. Because I know youaretrying.”
* * * *
Over the next week and a half, Mal threw herself into the daily pole-dancing lessons and yoga, carefully watching her calorie intake to make sure she kept herself on track and didn’t lose any weight. One good thing she knew was that muscle weighed more than fat, so she’d be gaining weight regardless, as long as she kept her calorie intake up and didn’t do something to sabotage herself. She even added extra shakes to her daily regimen to help.
She also loved feeling the pain from aching muscles every morning. This time around, she’d felt no compulsion to cut and every determination to work hard to rebuild her body.
Kel was coming over almost every day now, sometimes for breakfast, sometimes for dinner. They’d made love four more times, but he hadn’t asked to spend the night and hadn’t put her in the awkward position of having to ask him to leave. He’d set an alarm to wake him up in case he fell asleep, but hadn’t needed it yet.
It left her feeling guilty, which she didn’t give in to.
As much as she wanted Kel to move back home…she knew that wasn’t a good idea yet. They were both still so fragile right now. Doug reported that Kel was coming to see him, or at least having phone sessions with him or Niall, on a regular basis now, but that wasn’t good enough.
Not yet.
She knew if she let him come home too soon, before she felt certain she was strong enough to stand up to him in the ways she needed to despite his actions coming from a place of love, it would set her up for another failure.
What needed to happen was assurances from her fairy godfathers that Kel actually understood and recognized he couldn’t smother her with love.
That he had to follow her until she was ready for him to walk beside her and help her when she reached for his steady hand, instead of trying to carry her despite her protests to the contrary.
