Page 6 of Follow Me
Terror filled her, but when she thought about it…she’d never lived on her own.
Ever.
Maybe this would be the world’s worst experiment, but she’d never had to stand on her own two feet. Not really. Her parents had died but she’d been denied a normal grieving process by her uncle’s disfunction. Then she’d moved in with Kel, sure, as a roommate, at first, but leaning on him anyway.
Niall had also not been thrilled with this option when she’d told him her decision yesterday, but once again, he couldn’t fault her logic that she needed to experience being alone and independent, even if only for a short time. Niall also acknowledged the likelihood that if Kel was living with her he would spend every spare waking moment demanding she return to the facility, or watching her like a hawk and not living his life.
“I think Kel should stay at the apartment for a little while,” she said. “At night. Not…permanently.”
It felt like all sound, all oxygen had been sucked from the room, like she could hear Kel’s heart breaking, his soul shattering, and it nearly destroyed her resolve.
Neither Susan nor Kel spoke for a long moment, and Mal didn’t dare look. She was close to tears already.
I’m so fucking tired of crying.
But she hadn’t been able to heal no matter what they tried.
That meant she was keeping Kel trapped in perpetual purgatory, too, and that wasn’t fair to him.
None of this was fair to him.
“Mal?” he finally asked, nearly a whisper. “What’s going on?”
She closed her eyes and willed the tears back. “I need to do something…different,” she said.
One of the things she loved about Susan was her ability to keep her mouth shut when necessary. She didn’t interrupt and let this play out.
Kel’s jagged inhale punctured Mal’s soul but she kept her eyes closed so she didn’t see the wounded agony no doubt filling his sweet brown eyes. “Are-are you asking me…for a divorce?”
She slowly shook her head. “No. I love you. But this isn’t fair to you.”
“Idecide what’s fair to me, Mal.”
“And you’ll always decide that to the exclusion of what’sbestforyou.” She finally forced her eyes open and made herself look at him.
The tears—tears he’d been so careful about hiding from her all this time—now rolling down his cheeks gutted her, but she’d started this.
“I’m checking myself out and going home.Today. You’re taking me home. I’ve set up appointments with Doyle and Niall,” she added. “I’ve already talked to them. They’ve agreed to work with me, and that they will communicate with Susan to get up-to-speed on my file.”
Now Susan tried to interrupt. “Mal, this is the first I’m hearing about this. You and I haven’t even discussed this. I’m not sure that’s a wise decision right now.”
“Either I’m going to beat this,” Mal said, “or I’m not. I know the risks. But my life’s been on hold, and so has Kel’s.” She couldn’t bear seeing the weight of his pain and dropped her gaze to her hands again, where her fingers worked on shredding a tissue in her lap. “This is it. This is my last chance to fix this.”
“No,” Susan said. “There isn’t a timeline on any of—”
“Ihave put a timeline on it,” Mal said. “Now I’m inconveniencing my friends. Friends have stepped in to pay my freaking hospital bills. I love them to death for it, and I know they can afford it, butno. I’m…done. If I don’t do this, and I die, at least Kel can move on.”
Out of the corner of her eye she watched his jaw drop open. “Mal, Iloveyou. You are mywife. I’mnotgoing to abandon you, or let you give up—”
“You don’t have achoice, Kel,” she said, hating that her tears were flowing once more. “Please respect my wishes. You can live at the apartment for now. I’mnotdivorcing you. If I make it this time, then you come home. Because if I can’t make this work…” She shrugged. “Then the house and everything is yours anyway.”
“You can’t be serious, sweetie. Can wepleasediscuss this?”
The niobium bracelet Mal wore on her right wrist, her slave collar, no longer fit like it did when he’d first fastened it around her wrist. Now, it was so loose she could easily slip her hand out of it, like a bangle bracelet.
Choking back her sobs, she slipped it off and handed it to him, unable to look him in the eyes. “I think I was wrong to chew you out a few weeks ago when you brought up maybe dropping our M/s dynamic for a while,” she said. “Maybe we do need a temporary break from this. So I need you to hold on to that for me, for now. When I’m ready, if I don’t end up dead first, I’ll ask for it back. If you’ll still even want me.”
He wouldn’t take it from her, so she ended up laying it in his lap, where he stared at it.
