Page 8 of Follow Me
“Exactly.Noneof this has been about you, and that’s not fair toyou.” Tears limned her eyes again. “Yougot lost in all this. She wasours. Butyouhad to shove everything into a closet because of me and my health, and you’re afraid to eventalkabout her around me outside of this office. Again, not fair to you.”
She wiped at her eyes. “Our little M&M. Melissa Michelle. You cry every time you walk into the nursery, and I can’t even open the damn door. I haven’t set foot in there since before we lost her. Last time I was home, for the Halloween party, you were afraid to eventouchme. We won’t survive this as a couple if I can’t get a handle on my eating disorder, because you’re afraid to break me. The truth is, I’malreadybroken.”
“No, sweetie, you’re not, you’re—”
“Stop!” She blew her nose again. “Stop saying I’m not broken, whenduh!” She motioned to her body. “I know you love me. I know you’d die for me, but you can’t walk this path for me. You’ve been determined to carry me, and I’ve been willing to let you, and that’s not healthy for either of us. It’s holding me back now, and it’s never going to letmefigure out whatIneed to do to stay alive.
“If it was just as simple as eating healthy meals three times a day, don’t you think I’ddothat? Don’t you think IknowI have a problem? I’mbeyondthe denial, Kel. I’mpastthat point. I accept I have a problem, and I acceptIhave todosomething. But untilIcan figure out how to form healthy new habits thatstick, my life is still in danger from my own disordered brain.”
Susan tried again. “Mallory,” she gently said, “I know you’re in pain, but—”
“We’vetrieddoing this the way everyone said to do it,” Mal said. “I’mnotgetting better. I agree that yes, the meds are helping, and there was progress for a while, but I’ve hit another wall.Again. And this time, I know the only way over that wall is for me to climb it on my own. I want my own home, my own bed. I want to be near my baby.” She choked up. “I’m taking over my life.”
Mal dug a piece of paper out of her purse and handed it to Susan. “That’s a signed records release form, to send my records to Niall and Doyle, and to give anyone here on my medical team permission to talk to them, or anyone from their facility, about my treatment.”
Mal stood, and Kel felt too stunned to do anything but stare at her. “Will you drive me home?” she asked him. “Or do I need to call someone to come get me?”
Susan stood, moving to block her path to the door. “Wait, you want to leave rightnow?”
“Yes. I already packed. I’m ready to leave right now. I’m going to check myself out. I got my prescription renewals this morning from the psychiatrist, and I’m going home.”
Kel felt his stomach drop as the abyss raced up to meet him. On unsteady feet, he stood. “I’ll drive you,” he heard himself say, fighting the urge to be sick, wondering if he was now facilitating his wife’s death. He realized he was holding her bracelet in his right hand and he finally slid it into the front right pocket of his slacks. “I’ll drive you,” he quietly said again.
“Thank you.” Mal smiled, and how much peace he saw there terrified him. “I love you so much right now, you have no idea.”
