Page 10 of Follow Me
“That’swhat I’mafraidof!” he finally roared.
Finally.
Even though she flinched when he said it.
She reached over to cup his cheek. “See?” she said. “I didn’t break. You won’t evencryin front of me, Kel. You’re terrified I’m going to keel over. That’snothealthy for you.”
He stared into her eyes, Mal reading the obvious confusion there, but he didn’t say anything.
“I want you to use these four weeks to findyou,” she told him. “You’re every bit as lost as I am, and the only difference between how I’ve been killing myself and how you’re killing yourself is I’m doing it by withholding food from myself, and you’re doing it with worry about me.”
“So, what, I’m supposed to ignore my wife’s suffering?”
“No.” She forced a smile. “I want you to get involved with the club again. I want you to tie people. I want you to go to munches, and go to parties.”
“I don’t want to do any of that without you. I can force myself to work, but I don’t have any interest in tying anyone else.”
“You did all those things before me.”
“Again,beforeyou.”
“You’ll be okay,” she insisted. “Youneedthis.”
She hated the pain on his face. “Why are you trying to shove me away?”
“Because you’ve already rescued me once, Kel.” It hurt likehellnot calling him Sir or Master, but she forced herself to forge on. “NowI’vegot to rescueme. I’m the only one who can do this. If I do, if you still want me on the back side of it, you’ll have a stronger slave for it.”
“I’m your husband. I promised you in sickness and in health. As your Master, I promised to take care of you and protect you.”
“I release you from that promise, Kel. I mean, I’d appreciate you not going out and cheating on me, because I’m hoping you’ll still want me, but I need to figure out who I am. I wouldn’t even blame you if you met someone and decided fuck this shit, you’re out. I wouldn’t blame you in the slightest.”
She watched his jaw tense as he angrily shook his head. “I’mnotcheating on you, Mal. I’m not leaving you, I’m not divorcing you. Iloveyou. I don’twantanyone but you. I wouldn’t be fighting so damn hard for you if I didn’t want to be with you! You’re my life!”
“Youhada life before me. I want the life back we hadtogether. I want to play in the shadows with you again. I want that with you, and unless or until I can get my shit together, I know we won’t have that because you’re terrified to harm me.”
She squeezed his hand before sitting back. “Take me home.Please.”
* * * *
Kel remembered a functional numbness that had set in during the immediate aftermath following his father’s death.
This uncomfortably reminded him of that time. He’d desperately hurt after they lost the baby, but at least he’d had Mal to focus on to take the keen edge off the worst of his grief.
Even now, his days were a haze of stumbling through taking care of work, of business, all while driving back and forth to Tampa to see Mal and participate in her treatment.
How was he supposed to deal with that buffer…gone?
When they returned home, he unloaded her things from the car and carried them into the bedroom, but when he tried to start unpacking for her, she smiled and caught his hand.
“Stop, please. I’ll do this.”
“I don’t know what you want me to do now.”
“You should probably pack.”
He started to argue with her, but she gave him that sad, resigned smile again.
“I’mnotbanning you from the house. You can still come and go from here as you need to. Heck, come home and take showers and do laundry here. But I need some space. I need to be alone with my thoughts at night. If I thought I could handle all those stairs, hell,I’dmove to the apartment for a while and let you have the house to yourself.”
