Page 40 of Good Friends
Even when it meant telling an uncomfortable truth.
Especially so then.
Porter walked over and unlocked his truck without a word. Gavin thought maybe he was going to get in and drive off without even speaking to him, but all he did was put his stuff inside and then close the door again. He turned, leaning against the side of it, and crossed his arms over his chest.
Waiting.
Except…he stared at the ground, not at Gavin.
Gavin took a deep breath. “I’m sorry.”
Porter slowly nodded.
“Did they tell you I came by at lunch?”
He slowly nodded again, still without looking at him.
Oooh, Porter was going to make him do the heavy-lifting here.
But he also knew he deserved that.
“I-I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you. You’re right, I should’ve trusted you. You’ve never done anything to make me not trust you.”
Porter finally looked up at him, but he didn’t uncross his arms and suspicion now layered his brown gaze, which in this dim evening light resembled deep mahogany.
He didn’t reply for…a while. When he finally spoke, his voice sounded soft, pained, and that knifed guilt deep into Gavin’s soul.
“I don’t understand what I did so wrong in what we had together that would allow you to default to trusting that piece of shit over me, a man you’ve been in an actual relationship with for over six years. What was missing?”
“Me, Porter,” Gavin said before really thinking it through.
“What?”
“Once I left for Costa Rica, it felt like you gave a shit abouteveryonebutme, okay?” Gavin turned away from him, running a hand through his brown hair.
“That’s not true!”
He spun toward him again. “Well that’s what itfeltlike from my end, all right? You meet that one guy, Ivan? Like a month after I’m gone. He reminded you of Dane, and all of a sudden you’reoffto the fucking races to swoop in and save him like we hadn’t been friends for ten years, and more for five, at that point.”
“That’s—”
“Don’t say it’s not true, because then you and I both know that’s a goddamned fuckinglie!”
Porter stared at him.
“Because Iheardit in your voice when you told me about him,” Gavin continued. “Yeah, bonus points for you because you were honest with me about him. But you know what?Noneof the other guys over the years ever bothered me, Porter. Seriously, they didn’t. Ivandid. Because Iheardit in your voice that you thought he was another Dane.Thatwas the day I guess I realized everyone else was always going to come first in your life exceptme. That you werenevergoing to sound like that when you talked aboutme.”
* * * *
It felt like Gavin slapped him. “That’s not true.”
Gavin snorted. “Really? From when you met Ivan, until you realized he wasn’t going to call you back, Iknewyou had him on your mind. You talked about him several times. I don’t mind the fucks who left your mind about the same time they left your bed. But Ivan got under your skin afteronefucking night in a way that apparently I never could in several damnyears. I guess I believed Jayce because I figured you’d made him your emotional DIY project in place of Ivan.”
Anger washed through Porter. “Why are you upset about Ivan? You hooked up with a guy after that. You don’t hear me going off on you about it.”
“No, I didn’t. We went out a couple of times, I blew him once, and I realized I couldn’t fuck him. I haven’t fuckedanyonebut you, Porter. Since I left.Noone but you.”
“What?”
