Page 51 of Good Friends
The next weekend, it was Gavin driving their rental car as they headed to the cemetery that Saturday afternoon. Their flight back to Tampa would depart Little Rock tomorrow morning at eight, and they were staying at a hotel by the airport tonight.
The same hotel they’d stayed inthatweekend.
Gavin didn’t need a map to get them there. He remembered nearly every detail of that horrible day, including how it nearly destroyed Porter. He pulled into two different stores on the way.
Once they reached the cemetery they parked and walked, picking their way through the stones until they reached Dane’s. Gavin carefully watched Porter, but he was doing better than Gavin thought he would.
So far, at least.
Gavin carried the flowers and a plastic grocery bag, and Porter carried the paper bag from the liquor store. Then they sat in front of the gravestone, and Porter leaned in, kissing Dane’s name before pressing his forehead against the granite.
“Hey, baby. Sorry it’s been so long. Been pretty fucked up.” Quiet tears rolled down his cheeks. “Miss you every fucking day.”
Gavin brushed his own tears away and unwrapped the flowers, tucking them into the vase built into the base of the marker. This was actually the first time they’d seen the marker in person. The memorial company had sent them pictures, but it’d been installed several weeks after the funeral. He and Porter had actually been the ones to pay for the gravestone when they found out his family wasn’t even going to have one put up. Which had sucked all the way around, because Dane had wanted to be cremated, and he and Porter both knew it.
But it was Dane’s family who got the final say, and his mom wanted him buried.
Gavin took one of the bottles of water from the grocery bag and poured it into the vase for the flowers. Then he leaned in and kissed the gravestone, too. “You fucking asshole. Why did you do that? Why didn’t you lean on us? You were my best friend, next to Porter.” He tearfully laughed. “I would’ve gladly had a threesome with you two.”
That, at least, got a laugh out of Porter. He sat up and pulled Gavin in for a hug. After he kissed him, he sat back and removed the bottle of tequila and three shot glasses from the paper bag. He handed one to Gavin, opened the bottle, and filled all three shot glasses. He sat the bottle on the base of the gravestone so it wouldn’t fall over and he wouldn’t have to recap it.
Then he held the glass in his left hand up, Gavin joining him. “Dane,” Porter softly said, “I loved you. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you, but I didn’t want to push you. I’m sorry I didn’t push you. Maybe if I had pushed you, maybe you’d be here with us right now and we’d have some sort of kinky little triad going or something. But I’m never going to forget you, baby. Neither of us will.Salud.”
He and Gavin clinked all three glasses. Porter tossed his back while Gavin sipped a little from his and Porter carefully poured the third one into the grass by the headstone.
He refilled his and Dane’s shot glasses and held them up while Gavin held his up.
Gavin sniffled back tears but managed to get it out. “I know he was yours first, Dane. He’s still yours, in some ways. But I love him, and he loves me, and it sucks that you’re not here with us. You’re always going to be in our hearts, buddy. I swear we’ll work our asses off to be happy and celebrate life. We’ll always look up at the clouds and say your name and love you and miss you. I know you were in pain, and I’m so sorry you didn’t feel you could lean on us more.”
Porter softly sobbed while Gavin continued. “I actively choose to release my anger at you for doing what you did. We know you didn’t mean to hurt Porter, or me. In your mind, it was your only choice after a lifetime of incredible pain and blame you never should have been forced to carry in the first place.Salud.”
“Salud,” Porter hoarsely said. They gently clinked the three glasses and Gavin sipped while Porter tossed his back, and this time it was Gavin who took the third glass and poured it into the grass.
Gavin filled the two shot glasses again. Porter wanted to kill the bottle, so that’s what they’d do. He handed one to Porter and kept the second one, then held his glass and Dane’s up while Porter took a deep, ragged breath.
“Fuck those fuckers,” Porter said. “Fuckallthose fuckers, Dane, because none of them were fucking good enough for you. None of them. At least the one guy will never see freedom again. I wish you’d opted for living well being the best revenge. If there’s a hereafter, wait for us, huh? We’ll be a while, but we want to be with you again.” Another sob broke through, shattering Gavin’s heart as he watched him.
Porter had never really had this. Not really. They’d had to be so careful because they were both in shock and didn’t want to do anything that they knew Dane would have freaked out over.
This was a wake ten years in the making, and long overdue.
“I hope your nightmares are gone, buddy,” Porter said, more tears rolling down his cheeks. “If you still have them, cuddle right up with both of us.” He smiled at Gavin. “Gav doesn’t mind if you do.”
Gavin smiled. “I don’t mind at all.”
“See?” Porter said. “He doesn’t mind.”
They killed the bottle while Gavin barely sipped half his shot glass. While Porter stretched out in the grass, his face pressed against it and sobbing, Gavin poured the rest of his drink out and set the glass on the marker before tracing Dane’s name etched in granite with his fingers.
Then he stretched out next to Porter and held him while his husband finally got to fully mourn the man he’d loved so hard and fiercely, and whose death had ripped his soul to complete shreds.
* * * *
Porter awoke disoriented and with his head hammering. He realized he was now in a bed, but how he got there was a blank.
Gavin shifted, tightening his grip around him where his face was tucked against Gavin’s chest, his arms around Porter. “I’m right here, Master. I’ve got you.”
“Where are we?” He felt like he should know this.
