Page 28 of Good Friends
Bros.
He could tell the more he and Gavin did that, the more Dane was able to relax.
Because Porter loved Dane, he didn’t want him to stress.
He didn’t push.
He wouldreallyregret that later.
* * * *
Porter and Dane had been in Florida just over a year when Dane’s mother told him she wanted to move to Florida from Arkansas and live with him permanently when she retired in two months. Dane showed up at Porter’s house that evening, a Thursday night, right after the phone call and close to hysterics.
“What can I do for you?” Porter had asked.
Porter had long ago come to accept he was never going to have an “official” relationship with Dane. In fact, he and Gavin had started hanging out a lot more and were discussing maybe playing together as Dom and sub. Dane had even suggested Porter find a boyfriend, if not Gavin. He’d wanted the two of them to date. Porter was attracted to Gavin—Dane and Gavin had nearly the identical color gorgeous blue eyes.
But Porter didn’twantto find another boyfriend. He always worried about Dane, wanted him to know he could come over anytime he needed to. Besides, Gavin was in no condition to date, considering the emotionally abusive relationship he’d just escaped.
The next night, Friday night, Dane showed up almost immediately after work and begged Porter to make love to him, no play, this time. They made love half the night before collapsing, exhausted.
Dane left just after dawn the next morning. Porter was still half-asleep or he never would have let Dane out of his bed.
Dane leaned in and kissed him. “I love you, Porter. I love you so much. I’m sorry I never told you before.”
The first and only time he’d ever said those words to Porter.
Porter was barely awake enough to remember catching Dane’s wrist and pulling him back for one more kiss. “Love you, too, buddy. So damn much. Please stay with me.” Porter had never said those words to him before, either, never wanting to freak him out. He’d chosen to show him his love, never pushing him about it.
“I have to go to work now.” And Dane had smiled. That sad,Danesmile. That blue-eyed grief-tinged smile Porter had seen too many times to count.
And then Porter promptly fell asleep again.
Something he never forgave himself for.
It wasn’t until later that afternoon it finally struck Porter what Dane said, and he tried calling him.
Because he knew Dane wasn’t at work. He checked. He tried Gavin, who hadn’t seen him since lunch yesterday, when they all ate together.
Porter didn’t have a key to Dane’s apartment, had never pushed for one. When he drove there, Dane’s car wasn’t parked in his usual spot in front of his first-floor unit.
When Porter knocked on the front door, Dane didn’t answer. It was locked, of course.
He couldn’t see inside the apartment because all the blinds were drawn, but he heard Dane’s cell phone ringing inside when he tried calling again, which was unusual.
Dane never left his phone behind.
When Porter started to leave, he spotted Dane’s car parked on the other side of the complex in guest parking, in a place he never parked and had no reason to, because both assigned spots in front of his own unit were unoccupied.
He didn’t remember the breaking in process, just that he was on the phone with 911 when he kicked in the sliding glass door in the living room, and they caught that on the call tape.
The 911 tapes also recorded his agonized wails as he dropped his phone when he found Dane hanging in the closet in the master bedroom and desperately tried to get him down and revive him with CPR despite him being cold and blue, his body rigid.
* * * *
Porter always awoke when he had that nightmare, usually—thankfully—just before he opened the closet door.
When the nightmare happened when Gavin was with him, he’d pull Gavin into his arms and cry. Because, somehow, on that bleak and black afternoon, he’d managed to call Gavin after the cops had arrived and forced Porter to go back outside.
