Page 159 of Broken Bonds
Numb indicates I can’t feel, but that’s not it at all. It’s like I’m overloaded. Like every circuit in my nervous system has burned out. So much has hit me in such a short amount of time, it’s like I’ve lost the ability to…process.
Todd returns and sits next to me on the couch, and then it’s just the two of us.
Well, two-point-one of us, I guess.
I flop over on the couch, away from Todd, and stare at the ceiling. He rests his hand on my thigh and I have no clue where my mind is right now.
“Can I get you anything?” he asks.
I harshly laugh. “A new set of parents? A new father, at least. I love Mom.”
“Sorry.”
“I think the worst part of this is Mom’s trapped there. I can’t even tell her. I honestly think she would be over the moon about this if Dad wasn’t a homophobic asshole. She can’t wait for my niece to be born. Dad’s not even happy about that, you know? He wanted the first-born of the first-born to be a boy to carry on the ‘family name.’” I use finger quotes.
“More like to continue the family bullshit,” Todd says.
I touch my nose and point at him.
He gently squeezes my thigh. “Want to go shopping for baby stuff?”
I finally meet his gaze. “Not jinxing this,” I say. “Let’s make sure everything’s…” I wave my hands over my stomach. “That would be so much worse, to lose the baby after getting everything ready.”
“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” His hand lightly rubs my thigh and it’s distracting as hell because I like how it feels. “We can convert the largest guest room into the nursery.”
I cock my head at him. “What’d I just say?”
“I didn’t say right now,” he insists. “But you are moving in with me,” he adds. “As in, tonight. I get needing your own space, but I have four damned guest rooms. You are free to pick whichever one you want to completely turn into your own space, and I promise to respect that. Or if you want the apartment for that, you can use that. Or I’ll even build you a building up here by the house, one of those metal barns like what the fun room is in and?—”
I grab him by the shirt and pull him in for a kiss. “Please shut the fuck up,” I silently say, and that makes him laugh even as he wraps his arms around me and kisses me.
“I love you,” he says.
“I love you, too.”
He ends the kiss and we sit there with our foreheads pressed together, eyes closed, just…breathing.
“Marry me, baby,” he whispers. “I don’t have a ring for you, but we can go shopping for whatever you want.”
For a long moment we stare into each other’s eyes. “Okay,” I say. “I won’t hold you to it, though. If you change your mind.”
He snorts and I can see the elk in him even more than I could before. “No way I’m changing my mind.” He finally looks down. “I’ve never felt about anyone the way I feel about you.”
He seems almost…bashful again. “I know it’s not a traditional mate bond, but Mom and Caleb have made it work for decades and they’re in love with each other.”
His gaze returns to mine. “Isn’t that just as good? That they chose to be together? And look at how we can communicate. Obviously, I won’t force you. But I know how I feel about you. You were special from the first moment I met you. I’m confident we’ll be happy.” He takes a deep breath. “I’m pretty sure I fell in love with you that first night we played. And if this isn’t a mate bond I feel for you, then I don’t know what is.”
I lay my hand over his on my thigh, mostly to still his because it’s distracting as hell in good ways and if I can’t have sex letting him get me worked up and horny’s a baaaad idea. “I’m in love with you, too. And hope to hell that this is a mate bond. But still, let’s take things a day at a time, okay? I’m…overwhelmed. I need to process.”
“I’m not ashamed to admit I’m overwhelmed, too,” he says. “But there’s no way in hell I’m walking away from you. I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” He opens his eyes and stares into mine and I have to kiss him again. It’s…it’s a need.
“Okay,” I say when I finally end that kiss. “I guess we have us a relationship.”
He leans in and kisses me, and it has to be the most beautiful feeling in the world, this sweet, gentle warmth that seeps through every bit of my soul.
Please let this be a mate bond, because I never want to know what it feels like to lose this man.
“Guess I’d better break the bad news to Sam,” he says.
