Page 120 of The Chaos She Brings
A little flutter stirs in my stomach. “You do?”
“I like everything you do, Tess.” His expression darkens slightly. “I just didn’t like waking up to an empty bed and a note.”
I stiffen. The hurt in his voice cuts deeper than I expected.
“I let you in,” he continues. “Told you things no one else knows. And you told me you loved me… in a letter. Then you left, like it was nothing.”
Tears prick at my eyes. “I’m sorry,” I whisper, dropping my gaze.
“Will you tell me what happened?” he asks, trying to catch my eyes.
My throat clogs.
I want to. I know that I should, that I should be honest with him. But the words won’t come. I can’t force them from my lips, as if they’re trapped inside me.
He exhales heavily, and I already know I’m not going to like what he says next.
“I need a few days,” he admits. “To process everything. The last few months… it’s all just hitting me now.”
My heart cracks in my chest, but I force a smile. “That makes sense. Are… are you breaking up with me?”
“No,” he says quickly, almost too quickly. “I need to get my head on straight. Get back to real life.”
I swallow hard, nodding even as the weight in my chest grows heavier.
The words I want to say almost surface. But I know that if I tell him what Nikolai did, he’ll take it back—take back his need for space.
I need to give him that.
The rest of the flight is spent in silence. For once, my mind has nothing to say. Eventually I let myself sleep for a while.
When we land at Heathrow, it’s early morning and it’s raining, the sky cloudy and grey.
Carina drives us home in her tiny Fiat 500. Kai’s broad shoulders make the backseat feel even smaller, and I barely breathe until he gets out at his place.
Nate tries to convince him to stay in the guest room a little longer, but Kai refuses, muttering something about annoying mother hens.
Before he disappears inside, he glances at me—longing, hurt, and something else flickering in his eyes. Then he turns away.
Nate watches him go, then tilts his head at me. “You guys on the outs?”
I drop my head against the seat. “Not sure.” I shrug, aiming for casual, though my chest aches. “Can you just take me home?”
Nate nods. “We’ll swing by ours first to grab the new key.”
My head snaps up. “Oh my god. I forgot my flat is a disaster. I don’t even have a carpet.”
Nate waves me off. “Yeah, you do. Kai had me go in and fit one before you got back.” He holds up his hands, twistingthem. “I’m not sure I did it right, though. Have you seen these hands? I’m not made for manual labour.”
A strange warmth spreads through me at Kai’s thoughtfulness.
“You’re literally a serial killer.”
Nate scoffs, crossing his arms. “That’s different.”
I shake my head, turning to stare out the window as London blurs past. It feels strange to be back—like no time has passed, yet everything is different.
When we pull up outside their house, Nate jumps out. “I’ll grab your keys. We need to collect Cupcake from my mum, otherwise I’d invite you in.”
