Page 123 of The Chaos She Brings
This woman is an assassin. She could kill me without a second thought.
But Enzo told me what she said when she visited him.Perhaps it’s naive, but I don’t think she’s here to hurt me.
Anastasia has the good grace to look sheepish. “I had no choice in that.”
“And now?”
“I want to know you, Tess. You’re my child. My flesh and blood. I never wanted to give you up, but it was the only way to keep you safe. At least for as long as I could.”
“I already have a family. Blood doesn’t mean anything if you don’t have loyalty.”
She scoffs at me. “Those people that raised you? They’re not family.”
I shrug Carina’s coat off my shoulders, hanging it by the door. “I’m not talking about them. I haven’t spoken to my adoptive parents since I finished uni. Other than yearly birthday wishes.” I head into the kitchen, finding it all put back together, the broken crockery all cleared up and anything damaged replaced. “I’m talking about my chosen family. Carina, Nate, Enzo,”—yes, he might be blood but it’s my choice to see him as my family—“and… Kai.” I choke off a sob with his name, pressing a hand to my mouth so I don’t break down completely.
To distract myself I start opening drawers and cupboards, again finding that everything has been replaced.
“Why did you give me up?” I ask, not turning back to face her.
She sighs. “I did what I thought was best. My family—our family—they’re not exactly loving. My father was a hard man. When he found out who got me pregnant… I had nowhere to go, Tess. The Ivanov’s took me in; they showed me a kindness my own family didn’t.
“Nikolai was only five at the time, a little boy. I didn’t know who he would grow up to be—just how evil. If I had… maybe I would have run, hidden you myself.
“I can’t change that mistake. Nikolai would have killed everyone you loved if you didn’t go with him. There was no choice. As much as I hated the thought of him hurting you… at least you would be alive.”
“How old were you? When you got pregnant with me?”
“Seventeen.”
Fuck.
Anastasia is silent, still where I left her sitting on my new sofaas she waits for me to speak, to say anything. I turn back around and really look at her. She looks less put together than when I saw her. When she killed Nico.
The memory slams into me and I fight for breath as I steady myself against the counter.How could I forget what she did?
Anger bubbles up to the surface and a scream tears from my throat. “You killed him,” I sob as tears start to fall.
Anastasia’s face falls. “I’m sorry. I was doing what I had to.”
“Don’t,” I snap. “Don’t try to justify what you did.”
I push away from the counter, coming to stand in front of her. “How could you ever think I’d want a relationship with you. After everything you’ve done? It doesn’t matter what your reasoning was. I’ll never be able to look at you without seeing the woman that killed my friend.”
Her expression crumbles, as if my words hurt her. “Tess. Please—”
“Get out,” I interrupt, glaring at her.
“Please,” she begs but I’m done listening.
“I never want to see you again. Don’t try to contact me. If you care about me the way you say you do, then you’ll do this for me. Let me live my life in peace.”
I wait for her to say something. She looks like she’s having hundreds of conversations in her head, arguing with herself. Finally, she nods, standing from the sofa and moving towards the door. She looks back at me, eyes shining. “I love you, Tess. I’m so proud of the strong woman you’ve become.”
Then she’s gone.
And I fall apart.
My legs give out, and I crumble, sinking to the floor as sobs rip through me. I press a hand to my mouth, but it doesn’t stop the sound. Doesn’t stop the grief, the exhaustion, the sheer weight of everything pressing down on me.
