Page 132 of The Chaos She Brings
Tess inhales like she wants to say something, but I keep going. “I keep wondering… what could I have done differently?” My hands tighten into fists. I force them open. Breathe. “Could I have stopped him from abandoning me?
“You skipping out in the middle of the night has brought it all back up to the surface.”
Tess opens her mouth, sucking in a breath, but I keep going. “It’s not that I don’t understand your reasons. I do. But I’m struggling to compute that you might not leave. That someone would stay with me forever.”
My honesty surprises even myself. I’m not normally so emotionally vulnerable.
Tess waits to see if I’m done before speaking. “You say you can’t believe someone would stay with you. But what about Nate?”
I scrunch up my nose. “That’s different. Nate’s… Nate.” I shrug my shoulders.
“Is it different? He’s been with you through everything. He’s never abandoned you.”
Is she right?
Tess pushes on. “You’re scared that no one will love you. Because your mum didn’t. And your dad left.
“Nate loves you. You have to know that.”
The words land like a slap. My mind stutters over them, trying to process.
Nate’s been there since we were kids. Through everything. He’s never left.
Why have I never let that count?
She gets up then straddles my lap. “And I love you. I will prove to you every day that I’m not going anywhere.”
I exhale. A weight lifting from my lungs. I pull her closer, inhaling her scent as I bury my head in her shoulder.
“Thank you.”
A knock sounds at the door and Tess runs to collect the food.
We eat in silence.
Tess flips on Friends. The laughter track rings through the room, but it barely registers. I stare at the screen, not really watching.
A text from Nate chimes on my phone.
Nate:You down for a clean-up tonight?
Kai:Seriously?
I can practically hear the whine in his next text.
Nate:I didn’t get to have any real fun in Russia. Ineedthis.
I groan, which has Tess leaning over my shoulder with curiosity just as another text comes through.
Nate:Who’s the lucky bastard?
Nate:Make it a good one. I’m feeling creative tonight.
Nate:Oh, and do me a favour—don’t pick someone too small. The last one broke too fast, and that was just boring.
Tess stiffens beside me. Another message chimes in.
Nate:And for God’s sake, let me have this one alone. Last time you rushed the clean-up, and I barely got to enjoy myself.
