Page 60 of The Chaos She Brings
He holds my gaze until I crack.
“Where do we go from here?” I voice the question that I’ve been dreading asking.
“Given that we’re stuck here, I’d say nowhere.” Kai grins at me. He’s so incredibly beautiful.
I thwack him on the arm.
“Okay, okay.” His voice turns serious. “What do you want Tess?”
I shake my head.
“You go first.”
He sighs, flopping back onto the pillows and covering his face with his arm.
“I don’t know.”
Ouch.
He raises his arm and lifts his head to look at me.
“I like you, Tess. But relationships… I don’t know how to do that. I’m too messed up from my childhood.”
I want to ask him what he means by that. But I’m scared that I’ll just push him away.
“So… friends?” I say. “That fuck?” I add.
Kai laughs, deep and low. “You want to be friends with benefits?”
“Who knows how long we’re going to be stuck here for, might as well have some fun while we’re at it.” I shrug like it’s no big deal. “No strings. No promises of the future.”
Kai considers my words silently. Then, he gives a slight nod. “I can do that.”
“Great!”
Not great.
Not great at all.
What the actualfuckis wrong with me?
Friends with benefits?
Yeah, that’ll help the crush I have on him.
Idiot.
He stands after that, heading towards the door. “See you downstairs?”
“No where else for me to go.”
He shakes his head in amusement as he pulls the door open and disappears behind it.
I sit for a long time, replaying the conversation in my head. Trying to work out whether I just made a terrible call.
Can I really keep sex and emotions separate? Normally I’d say yes. But with Kai… Something about him is different. He has a grumpy shell, and an aura of broodiness. But I suspect it’s more than that. There’s a reason for his need for control, for his anal tendencies and inability to let anyone in.
I want to be someone he lets in.
