Page 83 of The Chaos She Brings
“He cares.”
There’s a noise on his end, a kind of reluctant acknowledgment, but he doesn’t say anything more.
The silence stretches.
This is my moment.
“We’re friends, right?”
It’s a loaded question, and I can feel the weight of it. His pause lingers longer than it should. “Yeah…”
“Friends tell other friends when they’re mad at them, right?”
“You’re mad at me?”
“I’m mad at you.”
“Why?”
You can do this. You are a twenty-nine-year-old woman. You can tell a man you have real feelings for him.
I take a breath, my voice suddenly trembling. “Because I don’t want to just be friends. But you keep kissing me, or fucking me, while not wanting anything more.”
Silence hangs between us like a thick fog.
“It’s just that… I like you.” The words start tumbling out. “I probably shouldn’t. And I definitely shouldn’t be admitting it to you. But I think sometimes my brain doesn’t really have a filter, soI just speak without really thinking until someone stops me. Which most people do because I really can talk for England and—”
“Hurricane?”
“Yeah?”
“Shut up.”
“Okay,” I whisper, my heart racing.
“I like you too, alright? But I… I don’t do relationships.”
“Ever?”
“Never have.”
“Oh.”
My heart cracks.
“But when you went missing, I—” He exhales, sharp and shaky. “I’ve never felt anything like it.”
There’s a pause.
“So yeah. Clearly, I’m shit at staying unattached.”
“You’re attached to me?”
“Very.”
Another pause
“So now what?” I ask, unsure of the answer.
