Page 32 of Scars of a Passionate Revenge
Alice returned to her room, feeling almost as if she was floating on air. The way he had kissed her had made her feel more intense sensations than she had ever felt before, and all she could think of was when they might have an opportunity to be alone together.
She had a feeling that Benedict was not terribly interested in learning to ride, but that he had agreed to her plan so that they could spend more time together, and she was not going to argue. But she could not help feeling a surge of panic. A kiss like that was more than enough to ruin a lady’s reputation.
She knew that she should not have given into her feelings, but she had been unable to stop herself. She should not allow it to happen again, of course; there would be a scandal if anyone found out. But she knew in her heart, and in the depths of her body, that she would not be able to resist, if he kissed her again.
When she got to her room, Sarah was waiting there with a letter for her.
“I think it is from your aunt,” she said, handing Alice the envelope. “I think that your father must have had it sent on from London so that you could read it while you are here. He must have known that you would be missing her.”
Alice smiled. It was a thoughtful thing that her father had done, and it made her hopeful that he might be out of bed and feeling better, that he had been able to organize this for her.
“Thank you, Sarah,” she said, sitting down and tearing open the envelope.
Her aunt wrote of everything she had experienced during her trip to America. Marcus, her son, had decided to go and live in America several years ago, and she had not seen him for quite some time. She was clearly enjoying spending time with him, and his wife, Aurelia, and their new baby, whose name was Eloise.
Alice wondered for a moment what it would be like to travel all that distance on a ship and to experience a land so different from home. Aunt Felicity wrote of the wide-open plains, where you could see for miles, and the huge mountain ranges in the distance. The food there was different, of course, and society itself functioned in different ways too. But it seemed as if her aunt was fitting in well and enjoying every moment.
Alice was glad of it, although she missed her aunt hugely. But of course, if Aunt Felicity had not decided to take this trip, it was unlikely that she would have come to London for the Season, and then she would not have met Benedict. And that would have been a tragedy indeed.
Towards the end of the letter, Aunt Felicity turned her words towards the subject of Benedict himself.
I remember him very well,she wrote,although of course I never met him. But the way you talked about him, it was almost as if I did know him. He sounded like a charming child, back then, and now, he sounds like a charming gentleman. You must tell me all about it when you write to me again. I hope that you find happiness, my dear. You deserve it more than anyone I have ever known.
Her aunt’s words made Alice beam. She immediately went over to the small bureau in the corner of her room, took a piece of paper and began to write a reply. She had no idea how long it would take for her letter to reach America, and as she wrote the strange address on the envelope, she thought of her letter traveling halfway across the world on an enormous ship. But no matter how long it took to reach her aunt, Alice wanted to tell her everything.
She wrote a little about the house party, and the other people present, but Alice really wanted to write about Benedict, and she found herself pouring out her feelings onto the page in front of her.
It is as if we have always known each other,she wrote.And I suppose, in some ways, we have known each other for a long time.
It makes me sad that he cannot remember our time together when we were young, though, and I do wonder what happened to him in the intervening years. I wanted to ask him what happened after the fire, but I could sense that he did not want to speak of it. I hope, though, that I will find out the truth soon.
But Aunt Felicity! He has made me feel things I never thought I would feel, things that I have never felt before in my life! I fear that perhaps I have given him too many liberties already, but it is so hard to resist. And when we are together, I feel as though I am exactly where I belong, at his side.
And when we talk, it is not as if we have only known each other for a few days, but rather as if we have known each other for our whole lives! And so I come back to my first point, and my mind is like that all the time when I think of him, going around in circles, so much so that I feel dizzy.
Oh but what can I do? If my father were to find out, or my stepmother… I so wish you were here, Aunt Felicity, so that I could talk to you. Please do come home soon, I miss you so very much.
She signed off the letter and placed it in the envelope, planning to hand it to a footman downstairs on her way to breakfast. She was sure that no one else would read it, which was why she had been so free with her feelings, and she knew that her aunt would not judge her harshly, even if she knew what had happened between herself and Benedict in the clearing in the woods, just an hour ago.
Alice felt her body starting to get hot as she thought about the kiss. She wondered what it would be like to go further, and try as she might, she could not stop the scandalous thoughts from forming in her mind. She closed her eyes and imagined what it would be like to surrender to him, and found herself hoping that they would be alone together again soon.
***
The following morning, Alice was just leaving the breakfast room, when Clara caught up with her.
“I feel as if I have hardly seen you!” she said. “Won’t you join me for a walk?”
Alice nodded. “I would like that very much,” she replied. “The weather is very fine outside, and I think a turn around the gardens would do us both good.”
The girls ran upstairs to get their shawls, and before long they were walking towards the pond at the end of the garden.
“You have been riding this morning, I fancy,” Clara said, looking at Alice askance.
Alice blushed. “How do you know that?” she asked.
“I saw you through the window, coming back from the stables, just before breakfast.” She paused for a moment and her voice took on a teasing tone. “And not long afterwards, I saw Mr. Fletcher making the very same journey.”
“You have caught us out,” Alice said softly, looking quickly behind her to make sure that no one was nearby to overhear their conversation. But the garden was deserted; the coast was clear.
