Page 58 of A Governess' Forbidden Flame
“I’m afraid there is a lot of ground we need to cover.” Amelia nodded, feeling Anna’s hand wrap hers into a reassuring squeeze. “Thank you for your company.”
Before Vivienne could say anything else, Anna curtsied and pulled Amelia back toward the house. The tension immediately dispersed as soon as they left the presence of this strange woman behind. Amelia soothed herself with the fact that they would begone soon, both she and her brother, and everything would go back to normal.
Well…almost. That night, she did not go to the library, no matter how much she wanted to. She pretended not to hear the almost silent knock on the door, which disturbed the silence which reigned in her chamber. She ignored the second knock as well. Her heart hoped there would be a third one. She wanted to leap out of bed and rush to open the door, to fall into Sebastian’s arms, and throw all caution to the wind, to be his again, mind, body, and soul.
But, instead, she closed her eyes even more firmly, fearing that if she opened them, she would not be able to fight off this desire which was burning from the very core of her being.
Chapter 29
“My goodness, Miss Wycliffe!” Vivienne was the first to address Amelia the next morning as she and her brother entered the dining room, where Amelia and Anna were already seated, having finished their breakfast and enjoying the peace and quiet. Sebastian had had his breakfast in his study, which was not unusual for him, so the governess and her young charge had already gotten used to enjoying mornings and having them solely to themselves.
“You look quite pale. Are you all right?” Vivienne’s comment seemed to cut through the serenity of the moment that reigned in the dining room up until that moment. She especially did not appreciate the comment.
Amelia fought off the urge to frown. “I am quite all right, thank you.”
The truth was the opposite, but this woman would be the last person in the world to whom Amelia would ever confide. Now, more than ever, she missed having her sister and her best friend there, for she believed that she was somehow outnumbered. Anna was on her side, her silent but stoic little partner, but something assured Amelia that these two people did not have her best intentions in mind, whatever that meant.
“You do look a bit ill, my dear,” Vivienne said tenderly, walking over to her and pressing her hand on Amelia’s shoulder, which made her shudder invisibly. Just like Anna, she did not like to be touched by strangers. “Doesn’t she look a bit ill, Frederick?”
All eyes were on him now. He focused on Amelia, a long, introspective look, then he nodded, acknowledging his sister’s diagnosis. “Indeed, slightly pale. Perhaps you really are coming down with something, Miss Wycliffe.”
Amelia did not like being treated as a child, which was exactly what these two were doing at this moment. She did not like it one bit. Once again, she was on the verge of telling them exactly what she thought of their comments, but propriety prevented her from doing so. She remained polite and dignified solely because Anna was there, and a governess taught not only with her words but also with her actions. Anna needed to see her governess behaving in a way befitting a young lady.
“I appreciate your concern, but I am quite all right,” Amelia said a little more confidently, in hopes that this would be the end of this discussion. However, she would not have such luck.
Vivienne’s eyes widened. She almost appeared hurt by such a response.
“Oh, my dear Miss Wycliffe, we only mean good. You know, since we shall be leaving tomorrow, I was hoping to spendsome time with little Anna. I know you do not like to lose time and lessons, so I was wondering, perhaps while you rest this morning, I could teach Anna some etiquette lessons.”
Etiquette lessons from this woman were not what any young lady ought to learn. The words were on the tip of Amelia’s tongue, but she managed to swallow them. The truth was that she did not want to argue with the woman, especially seeing that this time, she did not make any orders but rather asked in a polite manner, something she was not prone to doing often. Feeling a bit sorrowful with the recent developments and the final acceptance of the state of affairs, Amelia thought that perhaps it would not be such a bad thing to take the morning to herself and take a walk through the garden. It might take her mind away from Sebastian and allow her fluttering heart to settle down.
“I suppose that would be all right,” Amelia finally acquiesced, still not certain whether this was the right thing to do. But perhaps an hour or so would not hurt.
“One should rest sometimes, you know,” Frederick assured her, interrupting her flow of thoughts. “If you become ill, you will be of no help to Anna.”
Regardless of her utter unwillingness to do so, she had to agree. She felt melancholy and sad, and she couldn’t let Anna notice her discomfort. Being the precocious child that she was, she would have noticed something was wrong immediately uponbeing left alone again in the concentrated quietude of the girl’s chamber.
“I shall retire to my chamber for a while.” Amelia stood up, smiling at Anna. “Then, I shall join you in an hour or so if that is all right with you, Anna.”
Anna did not seem particularly keen on the idea, but she was well-mannered enough to agree even with things she did not like. Amelia didn’t know if that was a good thing or not, but she couldn’t dwell on that at the moment.
“Of course, Miss Wycliffe,” she replied obediently, a flicker of hope in her eyes that it truly would not be longer than an hour. Amelia silently promised her that she would not leave her in Vivienne’s company for longer than that.
Excusing herself, Amelia hastily withdrew to her chamber, feeling the desperate need to write her feelings down in a letter to her sister. Her quill pen glided across the paper effortlessly, as a cavalcade of emotions filled the page. Her sister was not there, and Amelia was in desperate need of an embrace, of reassurance that despite everything, despite all the pain and anguish, things would be all right.
My Dearest Penelope,
I trust that you and our family are well. Hopefully, you are in high spirits, for I myself cannot boast of the same. It is with a heavy heart that I take quill to parchment, for I find myself grappling with motions that, in the parlance of society, are best concealed. The corridors of Ravenscroft Manor echo with past secrets and clandestine sentiments, and my heart bears the weight of an affection that, alas, can never be openly acknowledged.
As you could have rightfully concluded from my previous letters, the earl possesses a charm that ensnares the very fabric of one’s emotions. In the dance of propriety, however, our stations stand as an insurmountable barrier, casting shadows upon the prospect of a marital union that my heart so fervently desires. Thus, I must retreat into the sanctuary of discretion, veiling the tender blossoms of affection that, like ivy, entwine themselves around the essence of my very being.
Fear not for my resolve, dear sister, for I am committed to my duty. Little Anna, the sweet charge entrusted to my care, deserves the best of my guidance and affection. I shall, with steadfast determination, be the paragon of a governess, concealing the tempest of emotions within the calm façade of propriety.
In this theatre of life, where secrets dance like ephemeral wraiths, I shall play my role with grace and poise. Let this letter stand as a testament to my unyielding commitmentto my duty and the sacrifices made for the preservation of decorum.
With all the affection my heart can contain,
Your sister,
